Earlier today, McTaggart posted breathlessly about this 1985 Chrysler Fifth Avenue ‘Ute (click to see it) and it makes sense that he did that because Bryan McTaggart is in love with the Chryslers that grandfathers were fawning over in the 1980s. He’s like Mr. Belvedere because that’s the junk he would have been driving to get groceries, pick up dry cleaning, or using to move the crap out of the horse stalls.
As his boss, I thought it would be appropriate to show him what a real bizarrely cool ‘Ute looked like and here it is, baby. A homemade 1997 BMW 328i ‘Ute. What makes this better? Umm, let’s see. It wasn’t painted by a Wagner power painter, it handles better, it has more horsepower, it looks like Mad Max meets Starbucks, it has a back window clearly designed to stop your victims from escaping, and it will scare old ladies, not make them chuck underwear at it like they’re attending a Tom Jones concert, and I could continue on for hours.
BangShifter CTX-SLPR send me the link to this thing and frankly it is pretty pissed. There are parts of it we don’t quite get like the steering wheel. In its current form, the wheel would chew your hands up like a cheese grater were you to attempt speedy steering maneuvers with it. That would need to be replaced with something less harmful. The exterior design of the stitched panels is neat but a little over the top. This BMW needs to be black in order to achieve full evil status, and the scary mental hospital rear window would need to be lexan or glass in order to be perfect.
Clearly this ‘Ute would beat the Chrysler at the drags, it would humiliate that blue heap at an autocross, and it would certainly do a better job of picking up babes, unless we went hunting at a Golden Corral at like 3:30 in Florida when all the silver foxes are filing in for the early bird senior discount. Yup, just said that. Hell, the BMW even has a full sized spare. I didn’t see that with the Chrysler so it is even more practical than that pinging pile of blue.
I could go on, but I am stopping there. Here’s the haiku like listing for the 1997 BMW 328i ‘Ute:
Automatic
134k Miles
19″ Style 95 WheelsMotorcycle trades welcome
Can be seen at my shop 708 Cady Drive
Ft. Washington, MD 20744
$6500 cash or Trade/ motorcycle and other interesting trades welcome!!!
Come with clean MD title!
Runs excellent will drive anywhere!
BMW M3 ? rat rod pickup BMW truck mini truck trade barter Alembic Bass guitar
Drugs, the only explanation.
That’s definitely Mad Max meets The Lost World, there.
I was doing alright with it up until the rear tower brace… will it hold a 70 quart cooler?
on further inspection… WTF, no Gooseneck hitch? Did the squirrel overload it? Trucks need Staunch not Stance. I’d kill it driving it home I bet. Looks “cute”… like you need a little dog under your arm kind of “cute”.
HA!
I don’t get it – I’d rather have the M-Body. At least if I was going to be riding around in something ridiculous looking, I’d be comfortable, and not bleeding from the hands.
And PS, Lohnes: The Fifth Ave had a full-sized spare, it was just a steelie, and it had a proper cover.
Yep – even though I have a BMW 328 myself, I have to give the M-body the nod for better execution and looking like it would actually work as a parts chaser.
This would make a sweet ass Drift Missile
Wtf? Automatic? What kinda hipster built that