Hello. This is your conscience. You know, that annoying little guy in white, sitting on your shoulder, with the glowing ring above his head, keeping your hide out of jail, safe with the wife, and in the positive light of your community? Yeah, you’re welcome for all of the hard work, and you don’t make it easy for me, what with your tendencies to floor the gas pedal whenever you think nobody is looking. Look, it’s a crossover, not a muscle car. That…thing…it’s only meant to do one thing: schlep you and your family around in absolute anonymity. Nothing more.

I know that you don’t ask much in the way of indulgences. You quit drinking like a fish years ago, cleaned up your act, and you even quit ordering the biggest burger at the drive-through. I’m proud of how far you’ve come. You’ve made it far in life, so shouldn’t you treat yourself? I know how bad you’ve wanted a serious muscle car, and I know that you don’t have the money of the big auctions. So, I went to work and found you this: a 1970 Chevelle. It’s not a real Super Sport, but do you really care? It’s got the right looks and a list that sounds like you wrote a Dear Santa letter, which includes a built up 350 small block, a TH400 automatic, 4.10 gears in the rear end, sway bars, drop spindles up front, and more.

Look, I’m not a complete square. I know every now and then you need to cut loose, and here is the opportunity of a lifetime. Take a look…everything is there to have a good bit of fun with, and if you want to clean it up more or do some work, I’m not stopping you. Go on, big guy. You deserve it. Just promise me one thing: no burnouts, okay? Alright then…

(ugh…get me out of this stupid robe! Hey…you, reading. Yeah, you. Wait a minute before you tell the real shoulder angel what you saw, ok? This old boy is gonna have those back tires burnt off before he’s able to flap his wings in anger! Heh-heh…)

eBay Link: 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle