While there are many who would disagree, the mainstay of hot rods, street machines, muscle cars and projects in the United States are two-doors. The four door body style puts off an air of “I’m borrowing my dad’s car” or “Old Man”, where the guy with the two door didn’t care…sure, he may have had the back seat, but if he was going to be burdened by hauling passengers around, they were going to crawl in like the subordinate they were. Really, other than the mid-90s Impala SS, not many four-doors so much as raise an eyebrow among the masses.
Unfortunately, the end for the big coupes came during the 1980s, and that is where you as the readers find yourselves at for this week’s Would You Rather question. Today is simple: pick your poison out of the three options provided. Each car has it’s perks and flaws, but I’ve spared you from some of the more horrid choices this week…so work with me here.
1: Chevrolet Caprice (198o-86 notchback style)
I’m purposefully leaving out the 1977-79 B-body coupe version of the Caprice (and it’s Impala clone) because the Aeroback-style rear glass gives the otherwise boxy B-body a more muscular look. Instead you get the notchback version of the Caprice, which is pretty much the last spiritual descendant of the Chevelle. No, seriously: the B-body GM’s frame is the same as the 1973-77 A-body, so whatever works for the Colonnade cars works for the Boxes as well. Plus, you have all of the cop parts from the 9C1 cars, and Brian Lohnes’ endearing respect.
2. Ford LTD Crown Victoria
Did your mind start to race with possibilities when you saw the cop-car-turned-jet in Men In Black? Then have I got a car for you. Ford’s Panther platform is more remembered for their cop cars than anything else…ok, maybe Town Car limousines…but through 1981 in the U.S. and 1986 in Canada you could get a 351-powered LTD Crown Vic or Mercury Marquis as a two-door. Sure, it put down it’s 160 or so horsepower with all the urgency of a medicated sloth, but like any other 1980’s build, you should’ve seen an engine build in your future.
3. Dodge Diplomat Coupe
Technically, this is cheating. When the Diplomat was introduced it was a midsize car, which meant that it was playing in the same field as the Chevrolet Malibu and the Ford Fairmont. However, as Chrysler physically shrunk down the overall size of their cars, the Diplomat became the de facto full-size car available, especially since everything else had gone front-wheel-drive. The 318/904 auto combo isn’t anything to write home about, but they are anvil tough and can take a decent beating.
Caprice,bar none.
Yeah, right? The Dodge is the least ugly of the three, and of course, far less prone to breakage depending on how many factory parts are used. The Chevy could be reliable, assuming few Chevy parts are actually used in the drivetrain, the Ford could be reliable, but good luck finding real speed equipment or getting any help from factory performance people, unless you just buy one of their current crate motors. The Mopar, on the other hand, can be made strong and facst and reliable with factory parts. It’s a no brainer.
all I can hear right now is St. Regis with a 318. So bad the San Francisco PD couldn’t drive up the hills and had to give up chasing stock VW bugs. Reliable? HAHAHAHAHA. Kept the tow truck drivers busy reliably.
R-body Mopars might have been the right comparison here, but they were only in 4 door variety.
The Dodge is the LEAST ugly?
You’re off your meds. That thing is hideous.
As for the reliability issue, you got that ass backwards too. There’s nothing more reliable than a small block Chevy engine, while Chrysler products of the era were notoriously prone to breakdowns.
Another bit you got completely wrong is the part about performance products for Fords.
Have you been living under a rock since the 80s?
There’s an entire aftermarket built on 5.0 Ford engines.
Caprice. Do whatever you want with it and when your done there is always a buyer in the DONK crowd.
A vote for the Crown Vic.
It’s a workable platform and it can easily swallow a built 351W.
Stiffen up the suspension, add in beefier sway bars, a limited slip and some gears, ditch the factory top-end for something that’ll breathe easier and you’d have Buford’s arch nemesis.
The Caprice. Bought a 1988 Caprice Wagon for the family truckster. No mini-van for this family, turned over the air-cleaner and let all 140 horses wail away. All black, the wife called it the hearse. But, all kidding aside if cars were still built in a similar fashion (tow, haul stuff, haul people) we wouldn’t see so many trucks on the road today.
I owned an Impala during the 80’s and I haven’t really gotten over hating it yet – except I never got pulled over in it.
I actually considered a two door LTD I saw recently for a 7.3 powerstroke highway mauler.
I’ll take mine in the order that they’re listed, and the preference is so slight as to not really matter. Full size 2 door? Yes please.
The Dodge Diplomat. Quiet exhaust on a twin-turbo 360 tucked under the hood.
Caprice..and with a turboed 6,0 liter,and a 6 speed..rear axle and front spindles from a 96 Impala ss.
Agree on the Caprice, especially with the Aerocoupe style back window! LS1 or LT1 6 spd combo!
I got a hold of a 79 dodge diplomat wagon a few years ago. replaced the 318 with a 360. wish I still had that car now. surprised a lot of people who tried to cut me off and failed. now they try to cut me off in my grand Cherokee and fail.
Toss up between the Diplomat and Vic. My dad had a Diplomat with the police package and that alway stuck with me. I remember Car Craft had a Vic as a featured car in the 80’s that was set up as a Cannonball Run type car – rotating license plate frame and all. However, if I underwent a full frontal lobe removal, and lost my sense of imagination completely, I’d go with the Chevy – but I’d have to go with Toyota 5.7 power for it.
Definitely the Caprice. I had a 83 Caprice I bought from the girl I would end up marrying and it was a great car. I’ve been secretly keeping an eye out for a coupe version. Add in a six speed and a LT1 and you’d have one sweet ride.
Caprice only because you can do more to it for less cash. I do like my f,m,j chryslers though
I had a built 79 (four door) LTD (same car, they didn’t call it a Crown Vic until the baby LTD/fox body was introduced in 82).
I’m pretty sure that I still have that article on the Cannonball run car tucked away somewhere. It had a stroker 351 windsor, a 408 I think, with a Paxton supercharger blowing through a four barrel.
I’m not as clear about the transmission. I think it was a C6 with a Gear Vendors overdrive. You’re correct about the rotating license plate. I wonder what happened to it?
I’d be hard pressed to choose between the Caprice and the Ford. Either one would be cheap to build.
I’m not even going to consider the Dodge. Let’s compare the other two:
The Caprice is a far nicer looking car, the Ford (and I love Panthers, owned three) is ugly, and the Dodge is “kill it with fire” ugly. Score one for the Chevy.
As far as modern engine swap choices, an LS would go in any of them. The coyote engines make big power but since they’re newer they are still really costly, and they’re big. Tons of aftermarket support for the LS engines, but since there’s some panther bodied cars on youtube running turboed LS engines, this one’s a draw.
Building the chevy or ford small blocks would cost about the same, or maybe a bit cheaper for the Chevy. Tons of aftermarket support for the Windsor family, so not too much cheaper.
However, the Ford has a bigger crankcase so can be stroked more. A thirty over 351 W can get 412 cubic inches with a stock block (454 with an aftermarket block), while the stock Chevy block will be maxed out at about 383 with a 30 overbore. These are heavy cars that need displacement for big torque. My LTD with a built 302 wasn’t very quick by today’s standards. Big stroker: advantage Ford.
A 460 with the old low-rise Victor Jr intake would fit under the stock hood in the Ford. I honestly don’t know if a Chevy big block would fit the same in the caprice, but a big block under a stock hood of either car would be a real sleeper. Once again, the Ford 385 series has a monstrous crankcase, with room for 514 cubes with a stock block/stock bore. Advantage Ford.
So which one, in my totally non-scientific survey of one (me)? Tough call. An LS with a turbo in the Chevy (or the Ford, for that matter) would be a real blast for some cheap fun.
For all motor with an engine from the same time period, I think I would have to go with the Ford since it’s going to be more of a rarity and you can get more displacement out of a stock block. Imagine a 520 (30 over stroker) big block in that thing. Three inch duals exhaust with stock mufflers and turn-downs, and a stock tailpipe hanging out the back. Tinted windows so you can’t see the cage. C6 with a gear vendors overdrive. Total sleeper.
As always, YMMV.
Nice shot of the Fatco racer at Lebanon Valley.
my current daily driver is a 1993 chevy caprice with the 305 small block
I call it big red my wife calls it the rolling couch
my future plans call for swapping in a 5.3 or a 6.0 ls engine from a suburban or pickup
but for right now its hard to mess with a v8 powered luxo barge that get 19 mpg city and 24 highway
Since I like both Ford and Mopar I’ll take one of each. The Ford for the highway and the Dodge for the dragstrip.
If I was a looks only guy and not worried about performance or reliability the Chevy would get the nod followed by the Ford.
ANGRYJOE likes all the choices…In order of preference I want the LTD/Vic, Caprice and the Diplomat…but honestly….I want the 4 door Dip as the 2 doors dont look as good to me….I’d put some Magnum 500’s and a worked over 5.0 with a Paxton and a top loader in it….omnomnomnomnom…..