The buildup to the SEMA show is intensifying, and everyone is hinting at what car they are going to bring out to the show. Additionally, the L.A. Auto Show is a couple of weeks afterwards, so there is plenty of buzz over new cars. While there’s some honestly cool stuff coming out, like Galpin Auto Sport’s 726hp Mustang and Mopar’s Dodge Challenger T/A, and some surprises like…of all things…Kia’s K900 that sounds like it’s packing one very serious and pissed off forced-induction V8, there’s a lot of rolling appliances that will be trolled out to the floor in the hopes that you see something you might like…the same way you might like a new blender. But auto shows aren’t the only thing rolling out of the press releases. Take a look and see for yourself.

1. The Chevrolet City Express Van…y’know, just because…

The last time a van had anybody’s interest longer than 15 seconds, your wife’s dad was stalking your ’77 Dodge trying to figure out what you two were getting freaky in the waterbed or if you were just smoking dope. No matter what it is anymore, there isn’t an interesting van, I don’t care what you did to it. But lately, there’s been a kind of van re-think from the manufacturers, and it’s about damn time, seeing as anyone can see through twenty-year-old and older platforms with styling that made you think of a loaf of Wonder Bread with taillights. The newest “Free Candy!” car is the Chevrolet City Express. This is a re-badged Nissan NV200, and if you want to know all about how much of a penalty box this thing is, just ask Lohnes, he had to babysit one for a week.

2. Ram ProMaster “Hospitality Van”: More booze than your old shaggin’ wagon!

The Ram ProMaster is a Fiat Ducato that belongs on one of those reality shows that center on bad nose jobs. It looks like the automotive equivalent of a largemouth bass to me. Yet, Mopar has decided to make the Hospitality Van. I’ll admit that the blue/black color combination is attractive enough, though it won’t save SEMA attendees from having to look at the ProMaster. Inside, five kegerators (you read that right) will serve guests while Mopar merchandise will line the walls. Nothing like drunk factory guys hawking merchandise.

3. The Trion Nemesis has been announced: beat all the statistics!

With no doubt, the Bugatti Veyron is a technical tour-de-force ever since it’s debut damn near a decade ago. And ever since, there’s been a handful of manufacturers taking aim at the top spot, and Trion Motors is the latest, with this concept called the Nemesis. Reading the description sounds like five-year-old me describing my dream car: 9.0L twin-turbo V8, eight-speed trans, four wheel drive, 0-62 in 2.8 seconds, top speed 270+mph, costing a million dollars. Here’s the kick: does anybody give a shit anymore about the top speed of a pretty much one-off car meant for a millionaire who is going to park it in the lobby of his favorite building in a glass case?

4. Lotus Figures Out How To Stimulate Sales Of The Exige: Give It An Automatic!

From our friends over at Top Gear, reports are coming in that the Exige, the mentally unbalanced Lotus that is only legal in the United States as a track-only car, is gaining an automatic transmission with shift paddles behind the wheel. Lotus says that the system allows “the involvement of a manual paddle-shift with all the convenience of an auto.”

Translation: It allows lazy (….)ers who don’t know how to run a proper manual trans the ability to drive a car that doesn’t require skill but makes them look like they do. Way to go, Lotus, you are certainly finding your way.