As we trundle through a Spring brought to you by Ma Nature, completely off of her meds…no, seriously: sunny and warm, tornadoes, cool, deluge, sunny and warm, SNOW…we realize that we’ve been slacking off in providing you with the tastiest bits of scrap news that might have some relevance in the world of the automotive gearhead. We’re sure you are just happy to have a break from slamming Pepto-Bismol like it’s a tequila shot. But have no fear, because the chef is back in the kitchen, roasting up some vittles worth a quick glance before you move on to our more interesting options on the menu! Here’s this week’s Scrapple…enjoy!

1. NO TRUCK FOR YOU!

Meet the concept version of the upcoming Mercedes-Benz X-class pickup. Don’t get excited…it’s a re-skinned Nissan Navara pickup, which isn’t a bad little truck…unless you’re Dieter Zetsche, Daimler’s Sith Lord, who has made sure it’s clear that the X-class won’t make it to the United States, to the chagrin of fans of mid-size trucks and virtually every truck fan at a certain auto blog. Good. Nobody wants a pickup truck that is overstuffed, overpriced, and reminds me of a pig with a nose piercing.

2. NO FRENCH SPORTS CAR FOR YOU!

While we won’t miss the combination of German and Japanese mashed into one truck, this French beauty we are kind of miffed about missing out on. The car on the right is an Alpine A110. It’s a classic French sports car that looks better than just about any other French car made. On the left is it’s modern-day equivalent, a revival of the Alpine name that will look a Porsche Cayman dead in the eye in most regards. Will someone at Renault at least give it more consideration than five seconds’ worth? Don’t underestimate the power of “…but you probably haven’t heard of it.”

3. But, you can have a two-seat mid-engine sports car again. Maybe.

Toyota has apparently decided that the Camry isn’t the only car worth working on. Currently, the company’s Gazoo Racing performance arm is whipping up some interesting bits: a hot-hatch version of the Yaris is on the way, the GT86 has been given a reprieve for now, a new car that virtually everyone is calling “Supra” is en-route, and apparently, a third car that is speculated to invoke the sporty MR2 is up next. An MR2 might not be the ultimate cannon fodder for a gearhead, but at least Toyota is trying a flavor out that isn’t vanilla.

4. Don’t Tax Me, Bro!

“I think it’s possible that the ones that don’t have the level of attractiveness of an 812 Superfast, like the California and also the GTC4, might be adversely impacted by a border tax that will push the price way above. I sincerely hope it doesn’t happen on these limited edition models, there is a small-volume manufacturer exemption that sits on all jurisdictions. We are not trying to invade the U.S. with a lot of cars.” -Sergio Marchionne, regarding a U.S. border tax on cars and Ferrari products.

We will let you do the roasting here.

5. And speaking of Ferrari…

Wolverine er, Hugh Jackman, has signed on to play Enzo Ferrari in a biopic film. This is the second film regarding the Ferrari namesake we know of in the works. The other will star Robert de Niro as the Italian magnate and will be an overview of his entire life, whereas Jackman’s Enzo will focus mainly on 1957. We can’t wait to see both, considering how much of a force the real-life Enzo was known to be. Just remember…no claws.