You know the feeling: the alarm clock has gone off just as soon as you were deep in slumber, the bed is comfortable, warm and soft, and you’ve found the perfect sleeping position. You are even pretty sure that if you hit snooze and close your eyes, you’ll go right back to sleep and this tiny interruption will be but a blip in your day. But you have to get up, get out from underneath the heavenly blankets, and drag your dead ass out of bed to start getting ready for the day. It sucks, but everybody told you that being an adult wasn’t going to be a picnic when you were growing up…it’s not their fault that you didn’t listen to them! The store isn’t going to open itself, so to help motivate you along, I asked some of the minions on the UPCG Facebook page for suggestions as to why you should get moving:

11. “Well time of day comes to mind, then you got money to pay for that warm comfy bed and alcohol. That and if you don’t, how are you going to help entertain yourself and the rest of us?” -Kristopher

Kristopher makes a point. Nobody wants to see UPCG dancing for tips. Not even in that Hawaiian shirt.

10. “Because you know that windshield wipers won’t replace themselves.” -Austin

It’s pouring down rain as I write this. I pity those who are actually behind the counters right now.

9. “The BETTER half will kick your ass if you don’t?” -Don

Can’t argue that point any if you are married. If you’re single, it’s a moot point…unless, of course, you are trying to better yourself.

8. “It’s midnight.” -Collin

…well, would you look at that. Another six hours of sleep it is!

7. “You will miss out on some of the windex breath people to laugh at” – Kenneth

Sir. Sir! The windows are not schnozzberry flavored! Stop that!

6. “Store aint gona f*** itself!” -Stephen

I’m not sure how to take this one, especially since the majority of the day I’m struggling to un-F! the store. And that’s work…any of you employees know that struggle first-hand.

5. “Sado-masochist.” -Joe

There is a big, big difference between dragging my sorry hide into work, and hanging around with someone who requires a safe word for sexy time.

4. “Because you’re broke as f*** and need money to buy booze to drink away your sorrows.” -Richard

Again with the alcohol! Yeah, UPCG likes a little sip every now and then, but I’m starting to wonder if you guys are planning an intervention or something…

3. “Work=$=race car parts.” -Christopher

…you were saying?

2. “Because you are the only one who gets me the right parts.” -Brad

Ok, this is legit. When you get it right and the customer is honestly grateful, that does soften the blow of the early-morning dread.

1. “The love of the company.” -Nick

Nope. No way. On that note, I’m pulling up the covers, I’m snuggling down harder, and I’ll be coming in this afternoon! ‘Night!