If you ever wondered if it is a glamorous life that we lead for your reading benefit, readers, let me assure you now, as I sit in the hotel room chair nowhere near Milan Dragway, that it is indeed not. The story starts on Tuesday night, at about nine at night, when I finally got around to packing up my suitcase and gathering my gear. At six in the morning I woke up, showered, loaded up the car, gave the cats one last scratch, kissed the wife, and proceeded to start my trek northward to a week worth of what most people would consider a riot of a time. And it will be: between the Modern Street Hemi Shootout race, the Detroit Area Modern Mopar show, and Woodward, this will be an awesome few days. But here’s what you have to endure to get to that position:

1. Traffic: 504 miles is the distance between my driveway and the hotel. In-between: rainstorms that wouldn’t be out of place in a typhoon, a rolled over semi that occupied three out of four lanes, a two car, two dump truck, one pickup accident not twenty minutes later, one of the most infuriating construction detours I’ve ever seen in Toledo, Ohio, 70 MPH highways filled with SUVs doing either ten under or forty over, and just for good measure, one Greyhound bus dead in the water in the middle of a five-lane highway, going nowhere anytime soon if the black smoke from the back end was any indication. I love road tripping, but I do not like the obstacle course that most routes become in the summertime.

2. Time: Total travel time, according to Google Maps: Seven hours, twenty-six minutes. Round to an even eight hours, counting one fueling and a couple of “walk and stretch” breaks. Total travel time: Nine hours, eleven minutes. Why? Traffic.

3. Other racers: So you finally dragged your roasted, marinated and absolutely reeking carcass to the hotel. You know who is the happiest to see you? The competition! All of the bullshit that is involved with dragging your hide halfway across the country goes flying out of the window when people you only see at the track bear-hug you, offer up food and drink and good times, and are just as excited as you were when you left the house. And it’s not just the Mopar guys coming up here…lots of people are traveling up to Michigan. I followed this late-model Pontiac Fiero through northern Ohio and southern Michigan.

4. The cars. Yes, we have Angry Grandpa here, with around 1,400 fresh miles on the clock this month alone. We also have John Burleson’s Magnum, Witchy Wendy’s 440 Stroker Charger, and many others we’ve seen at ChallengerFest…and some we haven’t, including one seriously wicked Chrysler SRT-8. Tomorrow’s racing will be awesome. From my (please, if you’re listening) 13-second daily driver to what promises to be a low eight-second Charger, we will have it at Milan.

5. Work: Ain’t no way I’m gonna be at an event like this and not cover it for you guys. But I need to know what it is you want to see, so let me know in the comments below!