Eliminate the cones, the ropes, the caution tape, the timing equipment and the guy telling me when I’m allowed to go, and you pretty much have my early driver’s education experience wrapped up in a nutshell here: one beater that is probably years past it’s expiration date, still clinging to life by a thread, some dirt paths somewhere in the western Pacific region, and nobody crying foul when I pitch the machine in sideways with my foot to the floor, roosting up freshly chewed-up sod. In fact, that’d earn style points, and I highly recommend it for both first-time drivers and those who think they know everything there is to know about driving in the first place.

You’re probably familiar with the Gambler 500, a beater-fest that prides itself on leaving a place cleaner than when they found it. It’s roots trace back to Oregon, and that’s where we find this sort of action, at Oregon City. Weaving between dirt berms and hemlocks, it’s a mashup of rallycross, gymkhana and that one clip from Top Gear USA where Adam Ferrara jumps a Cadillac so hard that he turns a ragged-out Coupe deVille into the Banana Boat in one swift, bone-crunching landing. Okay, that last part might be a little bit overreaching…there don’t seem to be any sweet jumps on this course.

Someone, please, rectify this mistake at your earliest convenience. Thank you.