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  • Loren
    replied
    Soooo...

    We have a squirrel problem around here. Medium-size, gray, there can be dozens of them but right now it's just one family. I keep I-think about 14 chickens in a pen/coop for eggs and just for fun and a couple more outside for insect control, but the f'n squirrels can eat as much of the food at $10-12/bag as the chickens do. Any trick I come up with to deny them access while letting the birds at it, they defeat. Then they dig holes in the yard as well, creating a nuisance that way. I shoot at them sometimes with a pellet gun. It's amazing how a squirrel can sense the presence of anything that could be a genuine threat, you can stand there and watch them watch you all day but if you got a pellet gun in your hand they disappear in a flash. It doesn't help that I must own the least accurate pellet gun ever made either, I was once pretty good with a .22 rifle but damn if I can get a pellet to fly straight outta that thing. I have better luck with a "Squirrelinator" trap but they mostly avoid that too.

    A couple days ago toward the end of the afternoon I'm done working and decide maybe it's time for a trip to the beer store. Normally I would just hop in the Dodge pickup, except since the pull relay on the (diesel) fuel-valve solenoid went out you can't just "hop in", I have to put in the key and turn it on, open the hood, reach under the intake manifold on the driver's side and flip the valve lever up by hand and then it will stay there by itself. Then I can get in and start the motor etc. and the solenoid will hold until the key is shut off. Somehow having to do all this doesn't bother me much (the truck does not get driven every day) and it's been months since that relay went out, maybe a year. So I turn on the key, open the hood.

    There directly on top of the valve cover is a g*d-d*mn big grey squirrel. I would think he would be pretty dang surprised as was I, but he just crouches there looking directly at me. Other than dumping dead ones out of the trap this is the closest view I've ever had at a squirrel face. Big eyes. Dopey expression, kinda like a chipmunk but stupider. Could be thought of as cute except I hate the things which are of-course a nemesis to me. Frankly I don't know what to do...I know the moment I grab the pellet gun or even a lawn rake or stick, he'll be gone...meanwhile him and I stare at each other, maybe 24" apart. We go probably 15 long seconds.

    "WELL...?" I finally say.

    That must have done it, off over the side he goes. At least he didn't crap on the valve cover. I assume he went on toward the ground so I move to reach around and flip that valve now, but there down the side of the engine right in the way is the big round furry thing, it could be part of a stuffed toy but then it wiggles a little. A squirrel butt. So he didn't make it to the dirt, he's just got his head jammed down into something and I imagine he thinks he's hidden but there is that big gray ass end showing a few inches from my face now. I consider just reaching out and grabbing it by the fur and pulling...something in me says, "no". Maybe they bite.

    "WELL?"

    That seems to be the way to talk to squirrels. He pulls his head out, goes running back over the valve cover to the other side of the engine and I assume makes the ground. I reach in, turn the valve then shut the hood and start the truck. Backing down the driveway, I don't see any squirrels running away so that's the end of that I figure.

    The local liquor store is only about 3/4 mile away, up a dirt road to the highway. I arrive and park maybe five spaces down from the door and shut the engine off. Into the store, back out in a moment, open the hood again and flip the valve then shut the hood as is the routine and get in and start the truck.

    The Squirrel. All that time he must have been hanging onto something over on the passenger side near the turbo and exhaust which is getting kinda warm now, and finally drops to the ground and onto the parking lot. Up the lot he goes at a fast trot, the way they do, space by space toward the trees alongside the main road. Past the open store door and...nope he didn't pass the door. Instead for reasons I couldn't imagine he makes a hard right and goes directly through it and disappears inside.

    My gosh, I've just brought a stupid squirrel here from home and set it free into the liquor store.

    So I sit there a moment, wondering what to do. Maybe the guy behind the counter saw it...maybe he didn't. Maybe the guy should know there is a squirrel running around in his store aisles. As I look toward the door again I see something just outside my normal field of vision moving away, it might have been the squirrel running back out but I'm not sure. I leave the truck running and go back into the store.

    I didn't know what reaction to expect, from my walking back in and reporting that I just saw a squirrel run into his place and maybe back out but I wasn't sure. The reaction I did get from the friendly, older Chaldean (Iraqi) man was, "Nooooo! That's a bad thing!" A moment passes, his eyes grown huge. "Do you know why?!"

    I don't know why, but it sounds like it's a bigger deal than what I initially thought. He chooses to explain: At night after they close the place if there is a small animal running around on the floor or up the shelves the motion-detector alarm will get set off, everybody will come and there will be charges from the alarm service or police when they get there and don't find a burglar. Apparently this has happened before.

    He and I walk up and down the aisles looking for the squirrel and don't see one. The freezer doors are closed so it didn't go in there. We walk back out of the store and look around the trees, no squirrel there either. With that and my possible sighting, we are satisfied that there is probably a 98% chance there is no squirrel in the store and each go our way.

    Yesterday afternoon I needed to go somewhere in the truck and opened the hood. I couldn't believe my eyes, another squirrel just one day after the last. Probably looking for it's mate or something..."Hey Hector, where'd ya go? Last I saw, you were running around under this truck!" Gone now, just the scent. I turned to grab a stick or something but in that moment it was gone, if it took any rides I don't know, never saw it again.

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  • RockJustRock
    replied
    SO..... on my way to the store I see this Crown Vic with it's rear window plastered with the ad for this guy's headlight polishing business because, yes, driving with obstructed night vision is a SAFETY issue!

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  • RockJustRock
    replied
    Weird hobbies......

    A lot of the time I like stuff because it is just simply NEATO. When messing with computers a new hard drive is always a JOY to unbox. The things are simply, LITERALLY a metal box full of neato. If testing a used one it sits there and rattles and whirs and after a format and O/S install can become the heart and soul of a computer. SSD? A freakin' solid block of cool. Packaged up like jewelry.

    Tablets. Don't really ever use one. Just not a fan of touch screens. THIS laptop has a 17" touch screen and I use a Bluetooth mouse on it........ But still gotta have a tablet charged within reach.

    Now, BLUETOOTH! Silly name. But open Bluetooth up on the computer and I can see ALL my toys that are powered up. Everyone's cell phone, TV. Even the neighbors.

    Then..... Bluetooth SPEAKERS. Designed to be cool just sitting there. Then you power it up. Beeps. Blinking lights VOICES. It connects and BLAT! Your music as loud and obnoxious as possible!

    BUT.... today I was reading about things Android. An Alexa or Siri or something article and it mentions Home Control ENTHUSIASTS. Just can't get behind that. First of all just like a touchscreen I don't TALK to my sh*t unless I totally HAVE to like on the phone with a voice menu. Just feels wrong in some way. I know voice recognition has come a LONG way since people's fantasies of working a computer without knowing dick about them, just talking. But I just can't get INTO it. Home Control ENTHUSIASTS. Talking to your freakin' house. Nope. Not doing it.

    Imagine saying the things we type here OUT LOUD..........

    O.K. Google, NOT HERE, not me.
    Last edited by RockJustRock; April 13, 2018, 03:43 AM.

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  • RockJustRock
    replied
    Awwwwww..... Horse Puckey, I'm blushing. Guys who make magazines, guys who make magazine feature caliber stuff like you, Squirrel and others and me, who just read TOO DAMN many magazines. I'm not worthy.

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  • Loren
    replied
    "THAT AIN'T GONNA WORK!" I got laughed at good last week for showing up to get a plus-size engine hoist from a CL seller, with a camper shell on the back of my truck. Guy had agreed on the phone to load it with his Bobcat but was in such over-the-top disbelief that I was stupid enough to think it would fit that way instead of having the bed open, he nearly refused participation. Gosh, I thought we'd just lay it on it's back, hang out onto the tailgate a bit, and let the legs point up just behind the shell back window in closed position, then tie it down and go. He wouldn't do it how I said, eventually he agreed to a compromise but I had to be kissie-kissie with this grown man and let him have his way wherever, never mind that he turned out to be less skilled with his own tractor than anyone I've ever seen who rented one and had no clue. "Down!" me and also his kid shouted while he lifted the bucket further up, nearly taking out said glass...and up he went more. Said, well he couldn't see the bucket from where he was in the driver seat... His twenty-something kid and I could have loaded the thing with no Bobcat help at all and I wish we would have. I bought some wheels/tires from them, cheap, also...kid gingerly rolls one singly out of the back yard toward the street, I grabbed two-at-a-time. On his next effort, he grabbed two. Good deal, son, don't go living your life the way Papa says, that you can't do and can't do. Find out for yourself what can be done.

    Once it was in the back of the truck with enough tie-downs to not just fall straight out, I drove up around the corner out of sight to finish the job, minus the f'n peanut gallery. Yes I got home fine, what-the-hell is 800 lbs. or whatever it was, hanging out the back just a little in a 3/4-ton truck.

    Plus side, kid had a a sweet early Mustang w/ dead-straight bodywork a neighbor helped him do, and the old-guy's engine hoist starts a new life now. In spite of all the ridiculousness, thanks.

    Originally posted by RockJustRock View Post
    thank you guys for putting up with me. )
    Write all you want, we missed you when you were out...

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