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The World's Worst Stump

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  • The World's Worst Stump

    Superman had a giant gob of a plant in his front yard. I don't know what kind of a plant. He wanted rid of it. So he took a few hours one day to cut it all down and it filled about half of a city dumpster when they carted it off.

    And then there was the stump. The stump from (to) hell.

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    They've been messing with that thing for about two weeks. SM and SM Jr. went out there and dug a big hole around it to wrap a chain around it and pull it out of the ground with SM's Ford Expedition. I was standing there watching that. Nope. Today they were out there whacking on it with an axe and a Sawzall and it dawned on me.....why are they doing all of that?

    Charcoal. Pile it up around the stump and light it. Go back in the house, let it do what it does. That was the "only" way to get rid of a stump when I was a kid, they had no stump grinding machines back then.

    You'da though I was a real hero just for that idea. Mrs. Superman said, "Where were you two weeks ago?"

    So SM chose Monday for the stump burning party, fewer rug rats running around in the neighborhood to fall into the fire. And we actually don't know if there's a local ordinance against open flame. We will plead ignorance when the fire cops show up. And video will certainly be involved.

    silver_bullet likes this.
    Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

  • #2

    Re: The World's Worst Stump

    Funny timing - we rented a stump grinder today and worked on 11 stumps. 5 pine trees that we recently cut down, 1 cedar tree that we cut down about 6 months ago and the rest was stuff that was already gone when we bought the place a year ago. Sort of expensive but it only took about 3 hours to do them all so it seemed like a good deal to me.

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    • #3

      Re: The World's Worst Stump

      Funny timing - we rented a stump grinder today and worked on 11 stumps. 5 pine trees that we recently cut down, 1 cedar tree that we cut down about 6 months ago and the rest was stuff that was already gone when we bought the place a year ago. Sort of expensive but it only took about 3 hours to do them all so it seemed like a good deal to me.
      The charcoal thing was just the way I grew up as a kid. Just about every Saturday night Daddy would cook steaks on a charcoal grill. And it was a part of the cleanup, put the charcoal on top of a stump in the yard. If you're not in a hurry that'll do it. It'll burn so far into the ground when the roots get incinerated, you'll have to go find some more dirt to fill in the hole.
      Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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      • #4

        Re: The World's Worst Stump

        As long as there's no coal in the ground. My first thought was this might have started with tree roots.

        https://www.thevintagenews.com/2018/...-pennsylvania/
        My hobby is needing a hobby.

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        • #5

          Re: The World's Worst Stump

          As long as there's no coal in the ground. My first thought was this might have started with tree roots.

          https://www.thevintagenews.com/2018/...-pennsylvania/
          "By 1992, Congress had decided to cancel Centralia’s zip code."

          ....DAYum. Maybe we should give this stump burning thing a second thought....Rock, you are ALWAYS a source for inspiration.
          Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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          • #6

            Re: The World's Worst Stump

            Upon further research, not much to worry about, but be ready for surprises.
            My hobby is needing a hobby.

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            • #7

              Re: The World's Worst Stump

              explosives. I've mentioned this before - when I was like 12 or so, we were clearing a road to some property we owned. Already we had fallen the cottonwood tree (with the satisfying thump of it driving a 4x4 fence post 2 feet into the ground and also pulling out about an acre of field fence. Round 2 was with explosives. The guy blowing them kind of miscalculated - the stump was in a swamp in the bottom of a canyon that was 75 feet below the nominal level of land around it. He set off the explosives and put that stump on the flat ground (about 130 feet linearly from its launch spot). It cleared the top of the canyon by at least 20 feet. My dad was concerned, to me that was like the best thing EVER!!!!!

              the stump was huge, the tree had a diameter of 6 feet at the base - but I think the issue was he didn't realize the swamp really wasn't holding the stump down..... that plus the wet soil created a perfect launch pad..... boom! was awesome!
              Last edited by SuperBuickGuy; August 18th, 2018, 09:09 PM.
              Doing it all wrong since 1966

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              • #8

                Re: The World's Worst Stump

                Did it go like this...
                 
                Last edited by ratpatrol66; August 18th, 2018, 09:19 PM.

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                • #9

                  Re: The World's Worst Stump

                  Mrs. Superman and Superman Junior in particular are really pumped up about this upcoming project, they want to cook marshmallows over the fire. I've warned them, when that stump starts cooking, it might taste like....real bad. we don't know what kind of giant plant that was.
                  Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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                  • #10

                    Re: The World's Worst Stump

                    I was begging Superman, let's burn that stump. C'mon, c'mon! (My tail wagging.) He said ONE day this week. He's beyond busy.

                    Here's the protocol as presented on the Cleveland.gov site: The city does not issue burning permits, you must call Cleveland FD to get Approval to Burn. I gave SM that phone number.

                    He called me this morning - "I've lit your fire, I've gotta go to work." I asked if he'd called the fire department and he said no, not too worried about that.

                    Well I'm worried about it when I'm standing there watching it, and it's already lit. He had 20 pounds of charcoal on top of the stump, lit....I called FD, they said no, you cannot burn inside the city limits.......they said call 911 and they'll dispatch somebody out. I said, but that's not what it says on the website....FD said call 911 and tell them it's not an emergency and tell them what's happening.

                    So I did, 911 said you cannot get approval to burn inside the city limits unless you have 10 acres or more. We'll send out a unit to take a look at it. So I'm sitting there in SM's front yard in a chair with a water hose, watching.....waiting.....they never came. 20 pounds of charcoal is not affecting this stump. Unit finally said, "Put some more charcoal on it, FD ain't coming."

                    So I went and got 40 MORE pounds of charcoal and dumped it on there. SM came home for lunch and personally squirted more lighter fluid on it and lit it. More watching, fire watch. All day, all of that, and that stump did not burn or even reduce, not a bit.

                    What kind of wood will not burn at 2000 degrees? I've googled it, I can't find out. But whatever it is, it's that kind of wood right there in Superman's front yard. Some kind of a shrub, used to be. I never would have believed it. I sold them on the idea and now they've got a minor amount of money tied up in charcoal ash for nothing.
                    Last edited by pdub; August 23rd, 2018, 04:06 PM.
                    Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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                    • #11

                      Re: The World's Worst Stump

                      Sounds similar to getting rid of a Yucca. Nearly impossible.
                      Ed, Mary, & 'Earl'
                      HRPT LongHaulers, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 13, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19.


                      Inside every old person is a young person wondering, "what the hell happened?"

                      The man at the top of the mountain didn't fall there. -Vince Lombardi

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                      • #12

                        Re: The World's Worst Stump

                        Well SM came home at the end of the day and summoned me up and his big question was, "Did the fire department ever come?"

                        No, they did not. But my big concern is a little kid or a dog wanders into this open fire pit and falls into it and... He held his hand over it, it's only making a little bit of heat now.

                        But down inside, it's still plenty hot. Real dadgum hot. I convinced him into agreeing, let's squirt some water on this and just put it out, it's not gonna burn the stump anyhow. We've proven that. Okay, let's wash all of this down and see what we didn't accomplish.

                        SM stood back. I shot it with the water hose and it made a lot of steam but about three seconds later......STOP. I just recalled....when you put water on hot ash it makes concrete. Ash is a primary ingredient of concrete.

                        Years ago, there was a problem in the powerhouse at the paper mill, they had to dump a bus-sized pile of ash on the ground. The wind was blowing hard and everybody working outside was raising hell about all of the ash blowing around, and it WAS. So a manager took it upon himself to go out there and completely hose down the ash mountain with a fully charged fire hose. That worked, and three days later a whole giant team of contractors were out there with jackhammers tearing down the mountain.

                        Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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                        • #13

                          Re: The World's Worst Stump

                          Why do I suspect this is going in the direction of dynamite? I liked the part where you called out and said "I just started an illegal fire and I'm calling you in case it goes out of control". NICE!
                          My hobby is needing a hobby.

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                          • #14

                            Re: The World's Worst Stump

                            I came across a DIFFERENT approach to yard work. It was a 4 acre ranch in rural Texas. He LETS a farmer bale it 2-3 times a year.
                            My hobby is needing a hobby.

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                            • #15

                              Re: The World's Worst Stump

                              Why do I suspect this is going in the direction of dynamite? I liked the part where you called out and said "I just started an illegal fire and I'm calling you in case it goes out of control". NICE!
                              That was great fun in slow motion. Slight drama, what "could have happened" with the laws and all, but it was perhaps the most boring way ever to spend a day, watching a stump not burn. I'm not sure what I learned from all of that. Whatever I learned, I'll soon forget it anyhow.
                              Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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