The Words We Choose to Use

[pdub]

One of the most enthralling things I was ever exposed to in the training world was Neurolinguistics Programming. A whole team of us went through the legitimate 3-day class and I think I was the only one who embraced the concept. I wanted that class delivered to all of the managers at our workplace. I talked them into a sample but they were decidedly not interested.

For example, if I said, "Unit and I can't do much of anything anymore." The word, "Can't." Internally, mentally, you can hear the gates slam shut. Just use different words. Like, "We are currently overcoming some physical challenges." That's better, isn't it? It is, better for everybody involved.

I wasn't about to give up on 150 mph in Arkansas, by golly that's the goal. With a new rear gear and a tailwind Red was able to do it. Never say, "Can't."

Aside from that, listen to what people say, in conversation. NLP is more applicable to people you have just now met, not old friends. Make eye contact and listen. People will involuntarily tell you what's important to them. They will. It's a science, not a religion, and it's real. So many aspects to it. Just observe. It takes some practice.

[DanStokes]

Not unlike General Semantics. The premise of GS is that people say what they REALLY mean. When they say stuff like "You're a sawed-off little runt" to me followed by "Just kidding" - well, they meant what they said the first time so I know where I REALLY stand with them. They've judged me on my stature and nothing I say or do will change it. It's OK - now I know how to deal with that person. It's been very useful knowledge in my life.

Dan

[Loren]

"Can't" is a wall, "Can't do it" means the subject is over and sometimes that's the appropriate thing to say. But if you're interested in a continuing productive thing with someone, avoid the word "can't", certainly.

I used to say "can't" a lot, that's what I learned to do. Then as a late-teenager I had a boss who once looked me straight in the eye, shook his head a little and muttered "other people are doing it"...and somehow that about floored me, just the way he did it. I never once used that "c" word with him again and was very careful about using it with anyone else.

Sometimes when we have people who over-use "can't", I might eventually be known to describe the person as a "can't", if they've really earned the label. It doesn't come out sounding nice, you know what I mean.

[RockJustRock]

That goes all the way back to the 50's. Norman Vincent Peale, Power Of Positive Thinking. A sales course taught me "never give an absolute no". Say "I'll get to work on that and we'll see" or the car sales "I'll run that by the boss". Of course in recent years I've had to amend that. In non-sales or management situations when people ask for something don't EVER say yes to be polite. No is just fine. "That looks nice, can I have one too?", "Can I try some?". NO, in 2019 every man for himself.

[68scott385]

NLP & GS; Mom would speak in code, never really saying what she meant but leaving me to decipher her intent. Dad was direct and clear. At a young age I learned when/why to use each method of communication. I had a boss/mentor that would use the phrase "A good man could/would ______" as a motivating method. Same boss said that just because he told me something needed to be done didn't mean he expected me to do it but he knew that if he told me it needed done that it would get done. Ambition and the lack of it define the cans and can'ts of the world. Some people see obstacles where others see barriers. There is a difference in response between want and need when coming from an authority figure.

[pdub]

Not unlike General Semantics. The premise of GS is that people say what they REALLY mean.
Dan

I was exposed to so much stuff, I think EVERYTHING in the brain training world. Everything that was available at the time. Be it GS or NLP, after some years I realized it was all the same paint, in a can that may be labeled different. I liked the brain stuff but nobody else around me did. Maybe .... well, for sure I'm crazy, but that's the only thing that made sense. We may not be in charge of our destiny but we are for sure in charge of our own attitude about it. And I've forgotten it a time or two for a while or two, but it's still there, get depressed or not, it's a personal choice which way to go. It always is.

[Deaf Bob]

So... If I stop saying "I can't hear". I will be able to?

I still do alot I always did, just takes longer.

[DanStokes]

So... If I stop saying "I can't hear". I will be able to?

I still do alot I always did, just takes longer.

Maybe "I don't communicate well with sound". Perhaps more accurate as you DEFINITELY CAN communicate! That extended middle finger is pretty clear.

Dan

[pdub]

Maybe "I don't communicate well with sound". Perhaps more accurate as you DEFINITELY CAN communicate! That extended middle finger is pretty clear.

Dan

HHAhahahAhahahAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, that's IT alright! hHhAhahahahahah!!!!!!!

[studemax]

Non-verbal communication..... Brain training for that?

[pdub]

Non-verbal communication..... Brain training for that?

Absolutely! Body language and inflection are far more than half of it. Inflection is what we cannot express on the computer screen, it's for sure no joke. EDIT: For example, if you're walking along through the park and come upon somebody leaning over the railing looking down at the creek, if you mirror them, if you lean over the railing too just like them before you try to start your first conversation, they'll feel comfortable with you right away. It can be practiced, and it actually works.

It's no good after the first minute or so, you have to plan ahead of time to do it. It's the first 30 seconds that determines it all. That's weird, but it's true. I know it is.

[fatguyzinc]

"The Words We Choose to Use"

and thats why anytime somebody asked what i did for work,
id tell them i was an "intoxicated patron ejection engineer"
or sometimes a "substandard life choice intervention specialist".

sounds so much better than bouncer or doorman.........

[70chevyC-10]

"The Words We Choose to Use"

and thats why anytime somebody asked what i did for work,
id tell them i was an "intoxicated patron ejection engineer"
or sometimes a "substandard life choice intervention specialist".

sounds so much better than bouncer or doorman.........

good ones - I need to change my resume -

[pdub]

"The Words We Choose to Use"

and thats why anytime somebody asked what i did for work,
id tell them i was an "intoxicated patron ejection engineer"
or sometimes a "substandard life choice intervention specialist".

sounds so much better than bouncer or doorman.........

HAH!!!! But I worked too long in HR and I looked at too many resumes. The first word of the job description sets the tone for everything that follows. And I looked at so many, given those two eloquent choices, I'd immediately predetermine that this guy is either intoxicated or substandard and pretty much ignore the rest. It's words, it's all just words. Damn I'm glad I'm retired !!!

[Barry Donovan]

I was crew chief..
called window washer, among other things

not sure that helped anything.
making something seem more innocent than it is.

the grunts kitchen too hot, get out of it.