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Guidelines to simplify life

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  • Guidelines to simplify life

    Guidelines #7 & #9 are germane to this group:

    1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

    2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

    3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

    4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE N YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

    5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

    6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

    7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

    8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

    9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

    DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.





  • #2
    Re: Guidelines to simplify life

    I'm in the middle of a pretty bad day and that made me laugh. Thanks. Especially that last bit about slinky people.

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    • #3
      Re: Guidelines to simplify life

      +1 that made me laugh. thanks

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      • #4
        Re: Guidelines to simplify life

        funnystuff!!!! ;D

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        • #5
          Re: Guidelines to simplify life

          ;D 8)

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          • #6
            Re: Guidelines to simplify life

            this made spit my water out.

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            • #7
              Re: Guidelines to simplify life

              Originally posted by shaun callaway
              this made spit my water out.
              My day is now officially a success ;D

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              • #8
                Re: Guidelines to simplify life

                Love the hammer.... Perfect...

                Keith ( currently battling the electrical side of life...)

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                • #9
                  Re: Guidelines to simplify life

                  Cool... I'm an electrician but I really like hammers

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                  • #10
                    Re: Guidelines to simplify life

                    Originally posted by wikd69
                    DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
                    I'm thinking of a couple that need to make me smile!
                    Cognizant Dissident

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                    • #11
                      Re: Guidelines to simplify life

                      The duct tape fits my man well, he always is asking "WHERE IS MY DUCT TAPE"?

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                      • #12
                        Re: Guidelines to simplify life

                        Originally posted by whiplash
                        The duct tape fits my man well, he always is asking "WHERE IS MY DUCT TAPE"?
                        Is that before or after something gets broken?
                        BS'er formally known as Rebeldryver

                        Resident Instigator

                        sigpic

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                        • #13
                          Re: Guidelines to simplify life

                          Originally posted by Rebeldryver
                          Originally posted by whiplash
                          The duct tape fits my man well, he always is asking "WHERE IS MY DUCT TAPE"?
                          Is that before or after something gets broken?
                          after something gets broken, we use duct tape alot, until something can be fixed properly....my vacumme broke the other day, we duct taped it......hey it works again.....

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                          • #14
                            Re: Guidelines to simplify life

                            I work on Airplanes and I like the Hammer one. Sinse I am an Aircraft Electrician, it means so much to me.

                            IF its not broke, we will take it apart until it is.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Guidelines to simplify life

                              Tell me, have you ever met a bad aircraft mechanic ? And if so, how can you tell ? It's not like thier mistakes come back to the shop, right ?

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