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This is NOT a forwarded E-mail like I'm sure you've seen hundreds of times. This is a review of the events of Saturday, 6 March 2010.
Meet "Diesel". Diesel is a 33-lb. Giant American Shorthair. Do not let the picture fool you...this cat is NOT fat, he is proportional...appx. 2'7 length (minus tail) by 9" wide. He is neutered and declawed, per Pierce Co., WA Animal Shelter guidelines. He's been living in my house since October 2008.
As I'm packing up my house in preparation to move to a short-term location, I noticed cat hair everywhere, in large clumps. I usually brush Diesel out once a weekend, and for the most part he tolerates it well. But with spring-like weather here in Western Washington, I figured that his winter coat is coming out and decided to have him professionally groomed. After MUCH searching (seems like nobody grooms cats..) I found a licensed vet with a private grooming practice who was willing to do the task.
I got Diesel into his harness (one that is meant for a large Pomeranian, might I add..) and got him into the Monte Carlo. After a quick stop by a cafe I frequent I go to this guy's house. Diesel has learned to equate car rides with vet visits, and sure enough, he was wedged up under the passenger side dash in fear of getting his temperature taken...
[img]http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0S020zwfJRLbW0A4VijzbkF/SIG=13ejm6tql/EXP=1268108912/**http%3a//icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/funny-pictures-cat-sits-on-scale.jpg[/img]
The vet is very surprised at Diesel's size and trys to take him from my arms. His legs buckle, I decide that I will carry the furball from this point forward.
First, we take him to a table to brush him out. Diesel usually is just fine with this...not this time. He tolerates the center of his back just fine, but when the vet decides to brush out the small mats of fur in Diesel's rear legs, Diesel decides to whip around and snap at the vet. I've never seen the cat do this before...flattened out, ears back, hissing and yowling, Diesel has now decided that everything and everyone is an open threat (read: TARGET) and will be dealt with harshly. OK...time for plan B.
"Plan B" involves picking up Satan-Cat and hauling him over to a professional animal bath setup and tethering his harness to a 5" lead hooked to the tub. We make sure the water is warm, then slowly start feeding water to the shower nozzle in the tub.
Diesel. HATES. water.
As soon as he realizes what is up he goes full-on psychotic. FIVE PEOPLE are holding down this cat while the vet is *trying* to shampoo and rinse this cat. I have taken the snake-handler route and have the cat's head pinned like the shrieking furball has venom. During the commotion, he slips the entire harness (WTF?!) and starts doing the One Lap of the Household. On his second trip around this guy's front room the cat goes from floor to the back of a couch, and mid-jump from couch to chair drills the vet's 16-y/o daughter directly in the chest as she comes out from a hallway. One teenager down, four confused adults to go...the vet's brother finally pins Diesel on a loveseat and we re-secure the harness (myself being bitten, presumably for my insubordination to Kittah's demands) and finish rinsing the cat, who by now, has toned it down as he plots for his ultimate revenge.
Once rinsed, Diesel is transported to a "cat-drying contraption". Let me describe this: A large rabbit cage with a carpeted floor, that has tubes hooked into the side. The tubes run to what looks like floor-drying equipment. Cat in cage, dryers set to "well-done". I am told that he will be dry in about forty-five minutes, so I head back to the cafe hoping my favorite barista has a first-aid kit behind that counter...
I return a little later to see that the cat's fur has poofed. He now looks like a large, bright-orange Tribble, and his expression reminds me of Hannibal Lecter. The vet shuts off the dryers and I remove the cat from the cage. Money exchanges hands and Diesel is put back into the Super Sport for the ride home. As I drive home I have the sunroof open and both windows cracked for airflow...I'm sure I-5 traffic adored me, because any and all loose fur on the cat was flying out of the sunroof into traffic. Sorry...
Diesel hasn't retaliated yet for this, but I think that next time, I'll save the money I paid this guy. I'll get shampoo from PetSmart and have a friend videotape the procedure...I'm sure it'll make for good laughs.
Meet "Diesel". Diesel is a 33-lb. Giant American Shorthair. Do not let the picture fool you...this cat is NOT fat, he is proportional...appx. 2'7 length (minus tail) by 9" wide. He is neutered and declawed, per Pierce Co., WA Animal Shelter guidelines. He's been living in my house since October 2008.
As I'm packing up my house in preparation to move to a short-term location, I noticed cat hair everywhere, in large clumps. I usually brush Diesel out once a weekend, and for the most part he tolerates it well. But with spring-like weather here in Western Washington, I figured that his winter coat is coming out and decided to have him professionally groomed. After MUCH searching (seems like nobody grooms cats..) I found a licensed vet with a private grooming practice who was willing to do the task.
I got Diesel into his harness (one that is meant for a large Pomeranian, might I add..) and got him into the Monte Carlo. After a quick stop by a cafe I frequent I go to this guy's house. Diesel has learned to equate car rides with vet visits, and sure enough, he was wedged up under the passenger side dash in fear of getting his temperature taken...
[img]http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0S020zwfJRLbW0A4VijzbkF/SIG=13ejm6tql/EXP=1268108912/**http%3a//icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/funny-pictures-cat-sits-on-scale.jpg[/img]
The vet is very surprised at Diesel's size and trys to take him from my arms. His legs buckle, I decide that I will carry the furball from this point forward.
First, we take him to a table to brush him out. Diesel usually is just fine with this...not this time. He tolerates the center of his back just fine, but when the vet decides to brush out the small mats of fur in Diesel's rear legs, Diesel decides to whip around and snap at the vet. I've never seen the cat do this before...flattened out, ears back, hissing and yowling, Diesel has now decided that everything and everyone is an open threat (read: TARGET) and will be dealt with harshly. OK...time for plan B.
"Plan B" involves picking up Satan-Cat and hauling him over to a professional animal bath setup and tethering his harness to a 5" lead hooked to the tub. We make sure the water is warm, then slowly start feeding water to the shower nozzle in the tub.
Diesel. HATES. water.
As soon as he realizes what is up he goes full-on psychotic. FIVE PEOPLE are holding down this cat while the vet is *trying* to shampoo and rinse this cat. I have taken the snake-handler route and have the cat's head pinned like the shrieking furball has venom. During the commotion, he slips the entire harness (WTF?!) and starts doing the One Lap of the Household. On his second trip around this guy's front room the cat goes from floor to the back of a couch, and mid-jump from couch to chair drills the vet's 16-y/o daughter directly in the chest as she comes out from a hallway. One teenager down, four confused adults to go...the vet's brother finally pins Diesel on a loveseat and we re-secure the harness (myself being bitten, presumably for my insubordination to Kittah's demands) and finish rinsing the cat, who by now, has toned it down as he plots for his ultimate revenge.
Once rinsed, Diesel is transported to a "cat-drying contraption". Let me describe this: A large rabbit cage with a carpeted floor, that has tubes hooked into the side. The tubes run to what looks like floor-drying equipment. Cat in cage, dryers set to "well-done". I am told that he will be dry in about forty-five minutes, so I head back to the cafe hoping my favorite barista has a first-aid kit behind that counter...
I return a little later to see that the cat's fur has poofed. He now looks like a large, bright-orange Tribble, and his expression reminds me of Hannibal Lecter. The vet shuts off the dryers and I remove the cat from the cage. Money exchanges hands and Diesel is put back into the Super Sport for the ride home. As I drive home I have the sunroof open and both windows cracked for airflow...I'm sure I-5 traffic adored me, because any and all loose fur on the cat was flying out of the sunroof into traffic. Sorry...
Diesel hasn't retaliated yet for this, but I think that next time, I'll save the money I paid this guy. I'll get shampoo from PetSmart and have a friend videotape the procedure...I'm sure it'll make for good laughs.
;D!! Anyway,Remy'z Cat's HUGE. I haven't seen one that big in a long time. Great story,'Rem'. ~J/W.
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