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Found a funny website about a dude who moved back in his parents house. His Dad is 74 years old and has some quite entertaining things to say! ;) ;D
http://shitmydadsays.com/
?You seen my cell phone?...What?s it look like? Like two horses ####ing. It?s a phone, son. It looks like a phone."
"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."
?It?s Los Angeles, son. It?s the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They?d #### you twice if they had another dick.?
"I?m not sure you can call that roughing it, son? Well, for one, there was a ####ing minivan parked forty feet from your sleeping bags.?
"Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."
"I found some shit in your room...No, I found actual shit. Feces...Well I should hope it's from your shoes, otherwise what the ####?"
"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My dick's huge before you screw. Even if you're right you sound like an asshole."
"Your mom just ordered 35 copies of your book. I'm not paying for one. ####ing. Copy. Mine's free." http://shitmydadsays.com/book
"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."
?The whole world is fueled by bullshit? What? The kid asked me for advice on his science fair project so I?m giving it to him.?
"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit."
"I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly."
"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a ####ing Honda Accord."
"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."
"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has '####ing people' down to a science, like they practice it in a ####ing lab on mice first."
"I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the #### you think, son? I exercised."
"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor."
"A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."
"There's a word for people like that...No, I'm saying, there's a word and I don't know what it is. I'm not being ####ing poetic."
"Nah, we don't celebrate it. Don't know who St. Valentine was, don't give a shit, and doubt he wants people screwing in his memory."
"I don't get it; I sweat, I smell fine. You sweat, you smell like mule shit...Relax, she's on the treadmill next to you, she knows."
"Don't mess with him...Trust me, you don't #### with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable."
"STOP apologizing. You're sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not ####ed his wife."
http://shitmydadsays.com/
?You seen my cell phone?...What?s it look like? Like two horses ####ing. It?s a phone, son. It looks like a phone."
"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."
?It?s Los Angeles, son. It?s the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They?d #### you twice if they had another dick.?
"I?m not sure you can call that roughing it, son? Well, for one, there was a ####ing minivan parked forty feet from your sleeping bags.?
"Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."
"I found some shit in your room...No, I found actual shit. Feces...Well I should hope it's from your shoes, otherwise what the ####?"
"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My dick's huge before you screw. Even if you're right you sound like an asshole."
"Your mom just ordered 35 copies of your book. I'm not paying for one. ####ing. Copy. Mine's free." http://shitmydadsays.com/book
"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."
?The whole world is fueled by bullshit? What? The kid asked me for advice on his science fair project so I?m giving it to him.?
"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit."
"I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly."
"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a ####ing Honda Accord."
"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."
"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has '####ing people' down to a science, like they practice it in a ####ing lab on mice first."
"I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the #### you think, son? I exercised."
"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor."
"A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."
"There's a word for people like that...No, I'm saying, there's a word and I don't know what it is. I'm not being ####ing poetic."
"Nah, we don't celebrate it. Don't know who St. Valentine was, don't give a shit, and doubt he wants people screwing in his memory."
"I don't get it; I sweat, I smell fine. You sweat, you smell like mule shit...Relax, she's on the treadmill next to you, she knows."
"Don't mess with him...Trust me, you don't #### with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable."
"STOP apologizing. You're sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not ####ed his wife."
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