Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet


    And you thought it would be porn : LOL

    Man Tools Explained

    DRILL PRESS:
    A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your soda across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

    WIRE WHEEL:
    Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers.

    SKILL SAW:
    A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

    PLIERS:
    Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

    BELT SANDER:
    An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishingjobs.

    HACKSAW:
    One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

    VISE-GRIPS:
    Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
    Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you wanted to remove a bearing racebut will now be unusable allowingyou to by a new one.

    TABLE SAW:
    A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Can also be used to make fingers and thumbs shorter.

    HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
    Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

    BAND SAW:
    A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of on theoutside.

    TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
    A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect when removing an engine.

    PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
    Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the nameimplies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

    STRAIGHT (or flat) SCREWDRIVER:
    A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

    PRY BAR:
    A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

    HOSE CUTTER:
    A tool used to make hoses too short.

    HAMMER:
    Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

    UTILITY KNIFE:
    Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as pillows, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund cheques and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
    2007 SBN/A Drag Week Winner & First only SBN/A Car in the 9's Till 2012
    First to run in the .90s .80s and .70's in SBN/A
    2012 SSBN/A Drag Week Winner First in the 9.60's/ 9.67 @ 139 1.42 60'
    2013 SSBN/A Drag Week, Lets quit sand bagging, and let it rip!

  • #2
    Re: Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

    ;D ;D ;D LMFAO ;D ;D ;D
    It's a Tri-Power Inline six [email protected] in the 1/8th

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

      The Bullet, I've never met more of a group of extreme right wing nut jobs than the guys that hang out over there.

      Even though it's fun to go stir the pot every so often. ;) :D :D

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

        that list is more pussy with tools.. but hey. :

        can't forget the breaker bar, the bar meant to break before never breaking the nut to be broken.

        (I posted my home made one in another thread)
        Previously boxer3main
        the death rate and fairy tales cannot kill the nature left behind.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

          I've seen the list before and it made me laugh again. I really needed a laugh today.
          BS'er formally known as Rebeldryver

          Resident Instigator

          sigpic

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

            funny.... and too true
            Doing it all wrong since 1966

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

              116 days Jeff!!!!! Less time on the net and more time spent on the car ;DThe"other block,heads and that pretty intake and clutch setup sure look good" 8) 8)As Doc fox said"Dont start that crap Jeff" I hate having an evil twin ;D

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

                I believe that Peter Egan originally wrote this list for his long running Side Glances column in Road and Track magazine. Personally, I think he is one of the best automotive writers around.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Man Tools Explained.......... post stolen from the Bullet

                  Then there is the
                  DAMMIT Tool:
                  the tool you pick up and fling across the garage, only to find the tool you've been looking for to be right behind it
                  Rumors of my demise by rollover have been greatly exaggerated.

                  Comment

                  Working...
                  X