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  • Government Pipe Specifications

    Here's one from email this week. It's not political, I don't think, it's...well I like it.

    Government Pipe Specifications

    1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.

    2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.

    3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.

    4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

    5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.

    6. All pipe over 500 ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe

    7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must have the words "very long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a very long pipe.

    8. All pipe over 6" (152 mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe.

    9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle.

    10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.

    11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.

    12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.

    Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

  • #2
    Re: Government Pipe Specifications

    Peewee, I had to print that one. I work at a pipe and supply shop and the boss will get a kick out of that. ;D

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Government Pipe Specifications

      Glad to hay-ulp Lee!
      Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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      • #4
        Re: Government Pipe Specifications

        That's funny Pee Wee. I wish I had saved that email I got years ago. It was a memo written by a women from IBM IT dept about the cleaning of your mouse balls : Yes it was very funny...and true.
        Tom
        Overdrive is overrated


        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Government Pipe Specifications

          Isn't Google and the internet simply amazing? Here it is, except it's about replacement of mouse balls.

          MEMO

          Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

          If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

          Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

          It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

          Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.


          I'll have to see if I can find the one of S.H.I.T. or Special High Intensity Training and getting your fair share of S.H.I.T..
          Tom
          Overdrive is overrated


          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Government Pipe Specifications

            Originally posted by Huskinhano
            That's funny Pee Wee. I wish I had saved that email I got years ago. It was a memo written by a women from IBM IT dept about the cleaning of your mouse balls : Yes it was very funny...and true.
            I think I know which one you're talking about Husk..I looked on my site and don't have it. Dang. Dadgum it.
            Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Government Pipe Specifications

              Ahhhhhh there it is.
              Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Government Pipe Specifications

                I know my SHIT,

                TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
                FR: MANAGEMENT
                RE: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

                In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

                If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

                Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

                If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

                If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

                Thank you,

                BOSS IN GENERAL
                SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
                (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
                Tom
                Overdrive is overrated


                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Government Pipe Specifications

                  Dang, I've needed that all of my life. I coulda used that in some board meetings back when I was important....lots of big folks woulda been sold on it.....they'd have taken to that like fish bait.
                  Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Government Pipe Specifications

                    10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
                    this confused me. is it male to female, female to male, male to male, female to female, ID fit , OD fit, threaded...soldered, flanged or welded....

                    is the hole to be round? :

                    it is like something gov't not only to be so content with a 20 year contract, but to be a wise ass and still not know how stupid you are.


                    ;D
                    Previously boxer3main
                    the death rate and fairy tales cannot kill the nature left behind.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Government Pipe Specifications

                      Originally posted by boxer3main
                      10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
                      this confused me. is it male to female, female to male, male to male, female to female, ID fit , OD fit, threaded...soldered, flanged or welded....

                      is the hole to be round? :

                      it is like something gov't not only to be so content with a 20 year contract, but to be a wise ass and still not know how stupid you are.


                      ;D

                      HAHAHHAHHHAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whatta hoot!

                      pw
                      Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Government Pipe Specifications

                        sometimes truth is stranger then fiction. I used to work as a salesman at Coca Cola.... and it was a pain to get credit for the store owners.... which did actually explain itself when, one bored day, I noticed the the phone number for their credit department was 1 800 FUC COKE.... it's really no wonder they had problems with collections. ;D
                        Doing it all wrong since 1966

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