Last week marked the 20 years since I had two major surgeries six weeks apart to remove my entire colon to get rid of my ulcerative colitis. Last month was five years since I was diagnosed with Crohn's. (Proof God has a twisted sense of humor.) Next month I'll be 43, the same age my Dad was when he had a quadruple bypass surgery.
I'm not lamenting, or looking for any kind of sympathy. It's just I'm middle aged now and even with these health issues, I haven't felt better since I was a teenager. I guess this is the age us guys start thinking about where we are in life and wonder if we are living up to our dreams and expectations. I'm not satisfied at where I'm at now, but I feel much better now, and I have a better view of my current situation which I haven't had in a long time.
Even though all the men on Dad's side of the family had heart issues; I'm not worried about mine. Dad's emotional stress always went right to his ticker. Not a good thing. Not that my emotional stress heads straight for my gut is any better, but I won't drop dead from a flare up of Crohn's.
As my birthday gets closer, I keep thinking about some projects I've started but never finished; two major writing projects, a movie script and a science fiction novel. I'm thinking that I should get going on these again and at least get the first draft on one before the end of the year.
I also want out of my current nowhere career. I've had enough of driving. It was cool and I enjoy all the people I get to meet, but there is no where to go in this industry. I didn't move to LA to be a driver. In actuality, I moved here to get into the movie industry. Yes, I was an actor. I do miss it. I miss the creative process. But, in the last few years, I've had the desire to write in the automotive industry. I have to admit I'm torn between the two paths.
I guess I'm wanting to know that I'm not alone in these feelings. I hate to label this as just a mid life crisis cause I don't feel like my life is in crisis, just a point of change. I do feel that I need a swift kick in the ass to get moving in one direction or the other.
I'm not lamenting, or looking for any kind of sympathy. It's just I'm middle aged now and even with these health issues, I haven't felt better since I was a teenager. I guess this is the age us guys start thinking about where we are in life and wonder if we are living up to our dreams and expectations. I'm not satisfied at where I'm at now, but I feel much better now, and I have a better view of my current situation which I haven't had in a long time.
Even though all the men on Dad's side of the family had heart issues; I'm not worried about mine. Dad's emotional stress always went right to his ticker. Not a good thing. Not that my emotional stress heads straight for my gut is any better, but I won't drop dead from a flare up of Crohn's.
As my birthday gets closer, I keep thinking about some projects I've started but never finished; two major writing projects, a movie script and a science fiction novel. I'm thinking that I should get going on these again and at least get the first draft on one before the end of the year.
I also want out of my current nowhere career. I've had enough of driving. It was cool and I enjoy all the people I get to meet, but there is no where to go in this industry. I didn't move to LA to be a driver. In actuality, I moved here to get into the movie industry. Yes, I was an actor. I do miss it. I miss the creative process. But, in the last few years, I've had the desire to write in the automotive industry. I have to admit I'm torn between the two paths.
I guess I'm wanting to know that I'm not alone in these feelings. I hate to label this as just a mid life crisis cause I don't feel like my life is in crisis, just a point of change. I do feel that I need a swift kick in the ass to get moving in one direction or the other.
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