Solicitors

[pdub]

I wanted to bump the thread from a long tme ago and add this one to it, but apparently it's gone, too. That was ANOTHER great discussion. So what the heck, start a new one like it. This is too good not to share, from email today:

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time , I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners...

''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

“Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

[PatricksDad]

Love it. Reminds me of my Aunt.

Equally effective:

[pdub]

Love it. Reminds me of my Aunt.

Equally effective:

I have actually done that, verbatim. Yes, it works. It sure does, and it feels good, too.

The one thing I've done that I'm not real proud of, I ran the preachers off. I have my tiny little post-it-note sign over the doorbell that says, "No Soliciting." Not a bigass metal sign, just a taped-on little note you couldn't see unless you were about to mash the doorbell button.

Preachers. I'm not proud of this. They rang the doorbell and then stood back. When I opened the door, the lead one said, "Hi, we're from so-and-so church, and I don't think we're soliciting..."

Neighborhood doorbell ringers just jerk my chain. I snapped, " I think you ARE. Have a nice day fellas."

I'm not proud of that at all. They galloped away. I'm not proud of that.

[DanStokes]

Peewee, you're MUCH kinder than I am. I answer the door with "No I'm NOT interested and and you have 10 seconds to get your F'n a$$ off my F'n porch. Is that clear"? This has proven to be highly effective and I think they mark your mailbox like old-time hobos used to do as I haven't had one (from ANY church) in over a year. I think it takes incredible nerve to assume that a) it's OK to disturb someone in their home, and b) that I haven't already thought about religion and made up my own mind about how I'll live my religious life. So no, I don't feel bad about it for a second.

Dan

[sedandelivery55]

I try to stay civil when door knockers annoy me. If it's a salesman, the door generally gets slammed in his face, if they introduce themselves from a church, I introduce myself with "I'm a devote atheist". Then I slam the door.

[SuperBuickGuy]

A roofing salesman came to my door, I was entertaining a bunch of people - so thought the doorbell was guest. The dogs were trying to get outside
These two


The black one got his nose in the door and I thought it was shut so I stepped forward and started to walk down my stairs. The roofing guy starts to walk away quickly, I turn around to see why just as Kaden lunged towards the salesman. I grabbed his collar at about shoulder level (5' or so off the ground).... the salesman was running to his car by now, and over his shoulder said "he's friendly, right", I said "most times" .... funny, never saw that guy again....

[Gary 351C]

I just shoot at them with a crossbow.

[Thumpin455]

Only the JWs stopped by here, otherwise its just car people. I know the JW ladies husband, he has a cool RoadRunner with a stroked 440, so we talked a while. They decided they didnt really want someone who thinks like me in the church, because I havent seen anyone since. I will talk with the religious types, its somewhat fun at times when they are relatively intelligent and perhaps have other interests as well.

Had a siding salesman bother me for months about doing the house I owned in Nebraska. Told him I was broke, and self employed, the siding was ok, and it was a house built in 1910, but her persisted. He finally got the hint when I showed him the bank statement that said yeah I dont make squat, and I cant finance $15k of anything with my exwife spending all of it so fast.

Lately I have been getting the cool people here. A guy from Florida stopped by in a black 57 Chevy, he also has a 67 GTO and builds cars with shops and a check book. Still a very cool guy.

[SuperBuickGuy]

I just shoot at them with a crossbow.

usually I reserve those for rock-throwing kids; but it's nice to know my crossbow is good for many situations