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  • "At least he died doing some thing he loved."

    I've seen this posted several times in regards to people passing while participating in a sport they enjoyed.

    My question is: What does it matter? Is a grieving family somehow supposed to derive some sort of comfort from knowing their loved one died participating in an activity of their choice?

    Seems bizarre to me.
    Life is short. Be a do'er and not a shoulda done'er.
    1969 Galaxie 500 https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...ild-it-s-alive
    1998 Mustang GT https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...60-and-a-turbo
    1983 Mustang GT 545/552/302/Turbo302/552 http://www.bangshift.com/forum/forum...485-bbr-s-83gt
    1973 F-250 BBF Turbo Truck http://www.bangshift.com/forum/forum...uck-conversion
    1986 Ford Ranger EFI 545/C6 https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...tooth-and-nail

  • #2
    Originally posted by BBR View Post
    I've seen this posted several times in regards to people passing while participating in a sport they enjoyed.

    My question is: What does it matter? Is a grieving family somehow supposed to derive some sort of comfort from knowing their loved one died participating in an activity of their choice?

    Seems bizarre to me.
    IMO that's pretty good emotional solice, because people also get killed at work, and so many people around them are deeply shocked by that - he went to work and never came home. Like it was just another day until THAT happened. Just not fair.

    Talked with a lady years ago whose husband died of a heart attack on stage - a saxophone player. He got up there, blew a few notes and he was gone. I'd say he died doing what he loved, but she was still pissed about it - she was convinced that they worked him to death at work, and he was just trying to relax after work.

    So, there's so many different ways to looks at it. And the whole subject is how the folks left behind choose to view it.
    Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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    • #3
      I think my comment was more along the lines of my personal feelings more than the remaining family's feelings. I guess it does make me feel better to know that if somebody is going to die, they did it doing something they wanted to be doing and not something arbitrary like picking up a flashlight in Arizona. Either way is a waste, one just seems to be a bigger one. Maybe I'm uncomfortable discussing death or considering my own mortality, and that somehow makes it more acceptable? It's cliche, I know... maybe even an avoidance mechanism.

      damn, now I feel like I'm being psychoanalyzed! You wanna know how that makes me feel? Strange question James, did something spark that or did it just bubble up to the top?
      Last edited by Beagle; June 11, 2012, 12:52 PM.
      Flying south, with a flock of bird dogs.

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      • #4
        Easy to point fingers...
        Hard to say the right condolence words..
        We as humans tend to say what makes us feel better...human nature... Looking out for nbr 1...

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        • #5
          Beagle if you're gonna let ME psychoanalyze you, you really need to be psychoanalyzed!

          I do work cheap, though.
          Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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          • #6
            It matters, at least to some. I'm going to get a bit more personal than I usually do here.

            When my brother died in 2008 (25 years old), it mattered a great deal to our family. He was hitch hiking his way across Europe from Denmark to Russia. He made it as far as Skopje, Macedonia where the vehicle he was in rolled off the side of a mountain road. We have video from his digital camera that had to be taken minutes before the accident. He was definitely having fun. For us that meant a ton more than say if he was killed while being mugged or such. There is a large level of comfort knowing they were living the life they choose when they died, rather than having some other person's decision or action cause their death. As a family we centered highly around that fact, and still to this day. It's hugely simpler to celebrate someone's life when you know they went out doing what they loved compared to having to say their life was cut short for some other reason. It may seem trivial, but it can easily make the difference between the family and friends being mental basket cases perpetually asking "why" or actually coming to terms with the situation and having emotional closure.

            A bit about my brother's past, when he was 21 he bought a one way plane ticket to Austrailia, backed backed that country for 18 months, then came back to the States for a few months then went to Europe backpacking and hitch hiking for almost two years then came back to the States for a few months, then headed back to Europe the final time. It wasn't his first backpacking/hitch hiking experience. He had a blast doing it and had a thousand stories to tell from it.

            **We all knew it was a high risk life style, and it caught up to him. No different racing. It can be plane dangerous and all the safety equipment in the world sometimes isn't enough and it catches up to them.
            Last edited by TheSilverBuick; June 11, 2012, 01:16 PM. Reason: ** Added a bit more.
            Escaped on a technicality.

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            • #7
              Beags, what made me think of it was the LSR death, drag race death on YB, and a local roadie bike guy that was hit by a car this past weekend.

              I mean I enjoy working on my car, but if it fell off the jack stands and crushed me, I don't think those words would hold one ounce of comfort for my kids or my wife.

              It seems to me a vain attempt to dull the hot knife of tragedy that has pierced these people's lives and is borderline insulting. That's just my take on it.
              Life is short. Be a do'er and not a shoulda done'er.
              1969 Galaxie 500 https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...ild-it-s-alive
              1998 Mustang GT https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...60-and-a-turbo
              1983 Mustang GT 545/552/302/Turbo302/552 http://www.bangshift.com/forum/forum...485-bbr-s-83gt
              1973 F-250 BBF Turbo Truck http://www.bangshift.com/forum/forum...uck-conversion
              1986 Ford Ranger EFI 545/C6 https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...tooth-and-nail

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              • #8
                It's used over and over, we don't get out of this alive. Tick, tick, tick......Nobody will. What do you do with it between then and now? So....okay that's enough peewee.
                Last edited by pdub; June 11, 2012, 01:32 PM.
                Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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                • #9
                  I think if I am gonna go I would rather go doing something I love rather than at work, or a heart attack of geting whacked by a car while crossing the street.

                  I suppose it depends on the family if words like that offer any comfort.
                  If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you have enough horsepower. - Mark Donohue

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                  • #10
                    Everything dies, doesn't matter how, it just happens. What are you supposed to do, say nothing? Or try to say something nice & get chastised for it? Either way you're screwed, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

                    I was almost killed at work in 2001. I liked my job, but I didn't wanna die at work. You know what? I had no control over it. When you come close to deaths grip it changes you. You forget about the dumb shit, it don't matter what words come out of people's mouths. They're just words, & people are just people.

                    When I do finally die I want people to say "That guy was a big asshole, but he was a good asshole."
                    That's good enough for me...

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                    • #11
                      I guess it's all in how you look at it.

                      Glass half full people: "He died participating in something he loved."

                      Glass half empty people: "He'd still be here if he hadn't been participating in that activity."

                      At my funeral I have always said I want everybody to straight up tell it like it was. Good or bad. I want to be remembered for how I really was. Not some flowery imaginary best-case-scenerio James, but the real James, warts and all. haha
                      Life is short. Be a do'er and not a shoulda done'er.
                      1969 Galaxie 500 https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...ild-it-s-alive
                      1998 Mustang GT https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...60-and-a-turbo
                      1983 Mustang GT 545/552/302/Turbo302/552 http://www.bangshift.com/forum/forum...485-bbr-s-83gt
                      1973 F-250 BBF Turbo Truck http://www.bangshift.com/forum/forum...uck-conversion
                      1986 Ford Ranger EFI 545/C6 https://bangshift.com/forum/forum/ba...tooth-and-nail

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by BBR View Post
                        At my funeral I have always said I want everybody to straight up tell it like it was. Good or bad. I want to be remembered for how I really was. Not some flowery imaginary best-case-scenerio James, but the real James, warts and all. haha
                        Sounds like lots of empty beer cans, greasy tools, & Ford parts!

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                        • #13
                          As our general manager here says, "The safest thing we could do is shut the mine down, as that would be the only sure way to guarentee no injuries or property damages, but that also means we don't have a job." Same could be said for a variety of things, including racing. The safest thing to do would not get in a race car, but then you wouldn't be racing either.
                          Escaped on a technicality.

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                          • #14
                            Death sucks, and funerals are for the living. When someone close dies, nothing another will say makes it better. Even if the cops finally do their job and prosecute the texting driver who kills yet another innocent bystander. The person is still dead, and that, simply put, sucks more then anything. We miss the deceased and celebrate that they mattered by having a funeral. Death sucks, but IMO death without hope makes it even worse.
                            Doing it all wrong since 1966

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by SuperBuickGuy View Post
                              Death sucks, and funerals are for the living. When someone close dies, nothing another will say makes it better. Even if the cops finally do their job and prosecute the texting driver who kills yet another innocent bystander. The person is still dead, and that, simply put, sucks more then anything. We miss the deceased and celebrate that they mattered by having a funeral. Death sucks, but IMO death without hope makes it even worse.
                              Yes, the whole scene is exactly that. I believe it's just meant to distract the distraught folks, just long enough, but not long enough. When things clear out and you don't have to put the strong face on anymore, and the house where the lost one lived is drastically empty.....yeah, the funeral and all that goes on with it is just a distraction, and a temporary one.
                              Last edited by pdub; June 11, 2012, 03:35 PM.
                              Charter member of the Turd Nuggets

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