Best One-Liners

[Brian Lohnes]

So an old boss of mine who was also a friend passed away recently, bringing me back into contact with people I have not seen or talked to in like 10 years. One of the guys is a fleet mechanic at the company and when I saw him I instantly remembered one of the greatest one liners I had ever heard, because he said it.

A bunch of drivers were hounding him about truck stuff one morning and some of it was just total BS crap.

He looked over at me and dead panned, "You know...if assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."

I about peed my pants.


What's the best one liner you can remember?

[tardis454]

All of the one liners I know are bad, like..

"If I wanted any shit outta you I'd squeeze your head.."

&

"If I wanted any lip outta you I'd take down my zipper.."

Used to work with a retired truck driver that'd been drivin since the 50's..
(he had a funny saying about drivin twin sticks but I can't remember it right now!)

[Monk]

My dad would always say .....'ride lose in the saddle of life'

[rightpedal]

"Two things I like cars boats and motorcycles" my friend George harnessing his inner Yogi Berra

Steve

[pdub]

"Two things I like cars boats and motorcycles" my friend George harnessing his inner Yogi Berra

Steve

My funny bone is kinda numb tonight, but Yogi Berra - yeah just post the Yogi Berra list of quotes here. They go on and on.

EDIT: I think my favorite Yogi quote, aside from, "It's like deja vu all over again," I think Yogi said it. Yogi was known and famous for swinging at anything that that was thrown at him. He got in front of a pitcher who threw three straight balls that bounced off the dirt in front of home plate. Yogi swung at every one of them. Three strikes, YER OUT.

Yogi went back to the dugout and said, "If that boy can't throw any better than that, he shouldn't be in the big leagues."

Or something like that.

[OHC 6 Sprint]

"I think I see your problem. You're standing too close to your ball after you hit it."

[Cyclone03]

Mine is "this would be a great job if they got rid of the airplanes".

The other I use is, "I love Day Shift,except for the hours".
I've been on 1430-2230 for about 15 years,and secound shift type hours sence 1982.

[Barry Donovan]

truckers sayings.
as if they are some fat diva with wisdom.

"stick her in the big hole, you'll go faster"

that means the tallest gear. perverts.
this one, I was 15 splitting wood for a very large disabled man.
got to asking me about girlfriends.
he said
"get it while you can, you'll never get it again."

nothing to do with women at all. ended up the largest one liner in my life.

[silver_bullet]

"forecasting is difficult, especially when it involves the future"

Yogi Berra

[pdub]

"forecasting is difficult, especially when it involves the future"

Yogi Berra

Wasn't Yogi in an insurance commercial once? He said something like, "It's kinda like money, but you can spend it."

Or something like that.

[silver_bullet]

Wasn't Yogi in an insurance commercial once? He said something like, "It's kinda like money, but you can spend it."

Or something like that.

yep..Aflac commercial...Greatest One Liner of all time IMHO

[Scott Liggett]

My grandfather once said to me about my fascination with cars. "The most expensive cars in the world don't come with talent to drive them. First, learn how to drive." Living in this town I see people with fancy, expensive cars who crash them daily. Grandpa was right.

[LORENSWIFE]

OK don't judge!

I was outside the building having a smoke one day and an uppity 20 something told me second hand smoke kills.....
to which I answered not nearly fast enough

[TheSilverBuick]

Where to start!

[Scott Liggett]

OK don't judge!

I was outside the building having a smoke one day and an uppity 20 something told me second hand smoke kills.....
to which I answered not nearly fast enough

Way to tell off that little brat.