Best One-Liners

[Caveman Tony]

The first time I ever heard a group of confused military guys trying to march in any kind of remotely organized fashion described as a "royal clusterf*&k" I nearly pooped I laughed so hard.

[yellomalibu]

if you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it between sh*t and syphilis in the dictionary

I like that one.

One that has stuck with me since my teenage years, I have heard a couple different ways, but it's a good one:

When you're dumb, you gotta be tough.

My bike racing coach used that one to make me think of tactics while I was racing, but I've found that it works in all walks of life.

[pdub]

I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.


And, Oh I see the f*&^ Up Fairy has made another run.

[Vegaman]

One day after work we were up in the change room getting ready to leave and a couple of young guys were arguing when one of them dropped this gem. I almost fell over I was laughing so hard.

Only time you got to touch any a** is when your finger poked through the toilet paper

[Loren]

From boarding school:

"You couldn't get laid in a women's prison!"

[pdub]

This thread is funny as hell. I don't care WHO ya are!

[pdub]

Wait.....how could I nearly forget a great one I heard today. Here's the challenge, who's heard this one....

"Butter Face"

[pdub]

Is anybody gonna take on "Butter Face?" I've gotta go to bed.....

[cal67ss396]

My family used to always use this phrase in sarcastic situations. I have never heard anyone else use it.

"Thats neater than a hen turd cut in two with a baseball bat"

Another I used to work in a fabshop with a old timer that used to always talk about how tuff he was. He would say

"Go over in the corner and practice falling down. Ill be there in a minute."

Same guy whenever you said "whats up" he would say "A chickens ass when its eating."

[Barry Donovan]

I was reminded of one recently.
the horny layer of skin is what makes oeverworked men look older than they should be..

I don't know the line anymore.

[pdub]

Okay, g'nite folks. I'll leave you with this:

"Butter Face."

She's got a beautiful body, butter face....(voice trails away)

Same thing as a two-blocker. She looks great from two blocks away, but.....

[BangShift McT]

For you, Peewee: "Beauty is just a light-switch away."

[BluLightning]

PeeWee, that's a variation of good from far but far from good.

[TheSilverBuick]

Or she's a double bagger, just in case her's breaks.

[BOOOGHAR]

i went to become a southern baptist for a while, then i realized they didnt hold them under water long enough