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Oldie but Goodie: Funny aircraft maintenance reports

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  • Oldie but Goodie: Funny aircraft maintenance reports

    This list has been around for quite some time,but it still cracks me up:



    Funny Aircraft Maintenance Reports

    List of pilot-reported problems and the solutions the ground crew had for them.

    Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    Solution: Left inside main tire almost replaced.

    Problem: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    Solution: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


    Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
    Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

    Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
    Solution: Live bugs on back-order.

    Problem: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
    Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    Solution: Evidence removed.

    Problem: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    Solution: DME volume set to more believable level.

    Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    Solution: That's what friction locks are for.

    Problem: Suspected crack in windshield.
    Solution: Suspect you're right.

    Problem: Number 3 engine missing. (pilot lingo meaning one of the engines was not running smoothly)
    Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    Problem: Aircraft handles funny
    Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    Problem: Target radar hums.
    Solution: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    Problem: Mouse in cockpit.
    Solution: Cat installed.

    Problem: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    Solution: Took hammer away from midget.
    sigpic


    Allen Karber

    Arkadelphia,Arkansas

  • #2
    those strange complaints got serious once for an overweight pilot. He hung himself right out of a career. That ego that allowed that is long gone...
    Previously boxer3main
    the death rate and fairy tales cannot kill the nature left behind.

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    • #3
      Did you hear about the pilot trying to sell his plane today had a problem during test flight with potential buyer. Landed on the highway. Pilot inspected under the engine cover, fired up the plane, and took off again. No news whether the plane was sold.
      BS'er formally known as Rebeldryver

      Resident Instigator

      sigpic

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      • #4
        Those complaints are usually referred to as "squawks" by mechanics with A&P tickets.
        My dad actually wrote the ones about "evidence removed" and "auto-land not installed on this aircraft" on squawk sheets when he worked at Learjet.
        Act your age, not your shoe size. - Prince

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        • #5
          I love reading some of the write ups in the 781's....some dudes get real creative.

          - Flightline morale low

          - Discrepency entered an error, there is no morale on the flightline


          there was one reported that went something like..... the IFF does not work in the O.F.F positon

          - IFF will not work in the "off" position, IFF function check good, no discprepency noted.
          If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you have enough horsepower. - Mark Donohue

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