Joke thread

[RockJustRock]

My best guess would be Oregon....I wouldn't say that about Pearl, not with Memorial Day being a week away.....if it weren't for the Veteran's sacrifice, we might be speaking German or Japanese.....

It's an anti-immigration thing.

[RockJustRock]

Right on all counts.
Was realllly hoping nobody would notice!

SBG is right, we need walls. Maybe just wall in Portland and give up on laws there like "Escape From New York".

[RockJustRock]

Camero.....

Jonathon Davis is RIGHT about evolution...

https://www.cargurus.com/Cars/Discussion-t48330_ds816263

[Deaf Bob]

SBG is right, we need walls. Maybe just wall in Portland and give up on laws there like "Escape From New York".

There are some smart folks here then there are Californications....
See idiocy in all walks of life.
Some can spell and use words right, some cannot..

[silver_bullet]

Right on all counts.
Was realllly hoping nobody would notice!

Stupidity runs rampant.... I usually figure that the folks at BangShift are the 5%ers... especially when it comes to common sense and the ability to live and let live....until one of those I-d-10-Ts cuts us off(in traffic or figuratively)....we got plenty of those Idiots here too DB...

[silver_bullet]

I made a terrible mistake the other night by renting a Tyler Perry movie. It was so bad that Redbox support called me the next day and offered me $20 just to keep it forever.

[SuperBuickGuy]

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit's.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

I live in my own little world, but it's OK. Everyone knows me there.

I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with ’Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Left Tackle?’

I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected.

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary’s.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning.

Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't need the freakin' class!

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison.

[SuperBuickGuy]

In honor of Memorial Day, a repost

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred
Isis "S.O.B.s". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought .... Then silence.




Eventually one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men... it's a trap. There's two of them.

[SuperBuickGuy]

One day, Bruce 's mom came to school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mom honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career.

The mom was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved out of San Francisco, relocating to LA.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have heart surgery, which only one surgeon could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her.

She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died. The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Bruce, working as janitor on the floor, had unplugged the oxygen equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner!

Don't tell me you thought Bruce became a heart-surgeon?

[67 Malibu]

In honor of Memorial Day, a repost

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred
Isis "S.O.B.s". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought .... Then silence.




Eventually one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men... it's a trap. There's two of them.

An oldie but a goodie. It was "gooks" in my day though. Semper Fi.......

[malc]

[SuperBuickGuy]

An oldie but a goodie. It was "gooks" in my day though. Semper Fi.......

Thank you for your service.

[RockJustRock]

Can I do this without getting political?

Two countries that used to squabble sat down to talk. A third country, a really big one, wanted to talk too. They all started sending boxes of gifts.

What kind of gifts?

Bullsh*t like the rest of this story.

[elcaminogirl59]

Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

[malc]