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  • Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, of course, but Newton replies, "Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal."
    Patrick & Tammy
    - Long Haulin' 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2014...Addicting isn't it...??

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    • Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
      Man: "Yes!"
      Reporter: "Name?"
      Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
      Reporter: "Sex?"
      Man: "Three to five times a week."
      Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
      Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
      Reporter: "Holy cow!"
      Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
      Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
      Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
      Reporter: "Oh dear!"
      Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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      • Originally posted by silver_bullet View Post
        Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, of course, but Newton replies, "Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal."
        I was in the Einstein box. I groaned before the joke was done.
        Doing it all wrong since 1966

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          • Originally posted by malc View Post
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            Aaand how is her sign attached to her stick?

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              • Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
                Patrick & Tammy
                - Long Haulin' 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2014...Addicting isn't it...??

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                • A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
                  He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
                  "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
                  ... The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"


                  My hobby is needing a hobby.

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                    • With the rise of self driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song about a guy whose truck leaves him too !

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                      • A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
                        Patrick & Tammy
                        - Long Haulin' 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2014...Addicting isn't it...??

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                        • A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties.

                          The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?

                          The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

                          The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment - I spit on your ties. I need water!

                          "Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5."

                          "Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!"

                          “Okay," said the little old Jewish man, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need...Go In Peace!”

                          Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

                          Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, “They won't let me in without a tie”
                          Doing it all wrong since 1966

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                          • Now THAT is not funny......










                            IT'S FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!!
                            Patrick & Tammy
                            - Long Haulin' 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2014...Addicting isn't it...??

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                              • A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
                                "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
                                Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie..."
                                "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
                                Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into t...he trailer and I was driving down the road....."
                                The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
                                Please tell him to simply answer the question."
                                By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".
                                Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.
                                "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning.I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
                                Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?"
                                "Now what the hell would you say?"
                                My hobby is needing a hobby.

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