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Here's A Good One..

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  • Here's A Good One..

    Siamese twins walk into a pub in Brisbane and park
    themselves on a bar stool.

    One of them says to the barman, 'Don't mind us, we're
    joined at the hip. I'm Joe, he's Jim, we'll have two XXXX
    Draught beers please'

    The barman, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make
    polite conversation while pouring the beers.

    'Been on holiday yet, boys?'

    'Off to America next month,' says Joe. 'We go to the States
    every year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?'

    Jim agrees.

    'Ah, America, 'says the barman.' Wonderful country...
    the history, the beer, the culture...'

    'Nah, we don't like that US crap,' says Joe.

    'Meat Pies & XXXX beer,' that's us, eh Jim?

    'We can't stand the Yanks - they're arrogant, rude & egotistical.'

    'So why keep going to America?' asks the barman.

    Joe replies, 'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.' ;D


  • #2
    Re: Here's A Good One..

    LMAO - that was a sneaky one :o

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Here's A Good One..

      HA ;D

      So a man in his mid 70's walks into a Chevy dealership.
      He's decided to buy a Vette wanted one most of his adult life, and now he could actually
      get it.

      So, here he is blasting down the interstate. Top down, wind in his hair.
      He looks down and notices he's going almost 80mph.

      "What the hell" He says, as the throttle goes to the floor.

      There goes 80, 90, 100, 110.

      What a blast, he thinks to himself, while pondering that he notices a flash from behind.
      Looks into the mirror and there's a State Trooper light flashing siren whaling.

      He thinks to himself should i keep on, nah I'm to old to be running from the cops.
      He proceeds to pull over.

      The Trooper walks up to the car and says " Sir it's friday and 4:45, I've got 15minutes till I'm
      off duty, If you can tell me a reason why you were going over 100 that I've never heard before.
      I'll let you go"

      The old man without even flinching looked up to the trooper and says,
      " Well sir bout 9 years ago my wife ran off with a State Trooper.
      I thought you were bringing her back to me"

      Chris

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Here's A Good One..

        WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

        Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

        Your last name stays put.

        The garage is all yours.

        Wedding plans take care of themselves.

        Chocolate is just another snack.

        You can be President.

        You can never be pregnant.

        You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

        Car mechanics tell you the truth.

        The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

        You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

        Same work, more pay.

        Wrinkles add character.

        Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

        People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

        New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

        One mood all the time.

        Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

        You know stuff about tanks.

        A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

        You can open all your own jars.

        You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

        If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

        Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

        Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

        You almost never have strap problems in public.

        You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

        Everything on your face stays its original color.

        The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

        You only have to shave your face and neck.

        You can play with toys all your life.

        One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

        You can wear shorts no matt er how your legs look.

        You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

        You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

        You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

        No wonder men are happier.



        Escaped on a technicality.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Here's A Good One..

          Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."


          You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS

          And furthermore ....

          HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

          1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

          2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

          3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

          4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

          5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

          6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

          7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

          8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

          9. She doe s not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

          10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

          11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

          12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

          HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

          1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

          2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

          3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

          4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

          5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

          6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

          7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

          8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

          9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

          10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

          11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

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