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BangShift Question Of The Day: What Will The Next Useless Option For New Cars Be?


BangShift Question Of The Day: What Will The Next Useless Option For New Cars Be?

We start today’s Question of the Day with a lesson that doesn’t involve a vehicle you can buy. That vehicle is the General Dynamic Land Systems M1 Abrams battle tank. A development by Chrysler Defense just before Chrysler sold off the the subsidiary in 1982, the Abrams is a weighs in at over sixty tons, is powered by a Honeywell turbine engine, and has to move it’s twenty-six foot by twelve foot self around with ease. On tracks. In the hands of a competent tank driver and commander team, moving the Abrams is surprisingly graceful…at least, as graceful as a battle tank can possibly be. One of the best moves is the “neutral steer”, better known as a tank turn. Without moving forwards or backwards, the tank driver spins one track forward and the other backwards, turning the tank on the spot. Handy maneuver for a big-ass tank, isn’t it?

Now, will somebody please explain to me why Rivian and GMC are working on this as an option for their pickup trucks? Rivian, the upstart electric pickup/SUV manufacturer, uses motors on each wheel so the function is similar to the tank: one side rotates forwards, the other backwards. GMC’s rumored “Hurricane Turn” isn’t a perfect tank turn, but utilizes the stability control system and the brakes to make a Yukon whip around in a tight circle. All you have to do is deactivate stability control, crank the wheel all the way in the desired direction and boot the throttle. Hm…I used to do the same thing in a ’73 Mercury Comet. It was called a “donut”, or as my mother loved to say, “driving like an asshole”.

So, for today’s question: I don’t quite understand the why behind over ten years’ worth of adding useless and novel gadgets to vehicles. I get some things, like navigation, satellite radio, even adjustable suspensions. But getting your truck or pickup to do what a tank does? Make the call, readers…what will be the next big circus sideshow from the OEMs? I’ll read your responses while listening to Dope’s version of a Dead or Alive song. You know the words: “You spin me right ’round, baby, right round…”


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12 thoughts on “BangShift Question Of The Day: What Will The Next Useless Option For New Cars Be?

  1. Weasel1

    No key/fob/electrical devise to enter start a vehicle. Palm/finger print , facial recognition, eye scan. Vehicle will set all parameters to driver, driver will tell vehicle where to go. I hope I never will have to experience that. My son thinks it has already happening.

    Reply
    1. bob

      Never work unless the image will over ride the drivers cell phone and display on there. That’s the only way they will see it.

      Reply
  2. big john

    neutral steer has been around since at least the late 60s co used to get mad seeing the track bullseyes they would leave in the motorpool

    Reply
  3. bob

    Early fart warning system that will drop an oxygen mask out of the headliner like on a plane. How about a small missile system the would shoot out those blinding head lights coming at you on Toyota’s. Maybe an electrical shocker in the drivers seat under your ass that will go off in 10 seconds after it starts raining if you don”t turn on your damn head lights. And lastly a punching glove that comes out of the dash and hits you right in the kisser if you pick up a phone. Excuse me now, I have to break or smash something before I explode!

    Reply
    1. Elwood

      Explode, not in my car fella. that’ll set off the automatic body bag deployment system . But wait
      there’s more. For just a few dollars more we’ll include the ultimate option of heated gold, silver or platinum plated coffin handles.

      Reply
  4. BeaverMartin

    As a driver of a 2500 crew cab long bed I welcome pivot steering. That log MFer hates some of these parking lots. I think in the future there will be a government mandated thing that makes your cell phone not work when driving. Probably some kind of heads up display you don’s need, and a pillar mounted screens to show whats on the other side of the a pillar because it’s so thick..

    Reply
  5. Elwood

    Explode, not in my car fella. that’ll set off the automatic body bag deployment system . But wait
    there’s more. For just a few dollars more we’ll include the ultimate option of heated gold, silver or platinum plated coffin handles.

    Reply
  6. BIG BROTHER BIG BLOCK

    The disappearance of the steering wheel.
    Common magnetic regulators that keep traffic moving and regulate speed .
    by pulsing the front and rear of a vehicle.

    You won\’t be able to fully operate the speed at which you drive, thus preventing many accidents and having Big Brother in your car.

    Reply

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