the car junkie daily magazine.


Scrapple, Your Guide To The “meh”-Worthy News! This Week: Cat Thieves, Technoking And More!

Scrapple, Your Guide To The “meh”-Worthy News! This Week: Cat Thieves, Technoking And More!

Welcome to Spring! Flowers, trees, birds…allergies. Whatever…it’s another year and the season is already underway! So if you are just now crawling out to the garage and you don’t live in Alaska, or Wisconsin, or Wyoming after that last blizzard, then just like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland says, you’re late! So get on out there, get your ride back in shape, and get moving! The sun is out, the weather is getting better, and we’re going to take full advantage of it. So, to get started on the right foot, here’s another serving of Scrapple…enjoy!

1. Now give them the “muffler up the tailpipe” treatment.


2. Um…that’s actually kind of good!

Nobody asked for what a restomod, EV take on a Dodge D-50 could or should be. I have fond memories of the mini-Ram that I learned how to drive stick with, but I wouldn’t want a modern take on it. Or…well, hell, would you look at this. It’s called the Alpha Wolf. Alpha Motor Corporation is a startup EV group that is pre-planning their whole model range before going live (which is expected to happen in 2023). The other vehicles include the Ace, a two-seat little coupe that looks like a shrunken Datsun B210 from certain angles, and the Jax, a larger take on the Ace with suicide-hinged rear half doors (think the Saturn SC coupe) and an off-road, Porsche Safari-like vibe. The cars? I’m not sold. But the truck? That thing looks like a proper early 1980s mini truck in off-road spec, like a Chevy LUV Mikado or a Datsun 720.

3. Well, it will go on a trail, if you insist!

So, a couple of things about the new Wagoneer and Grand Wagoneer: One, they’re pricey. Two, they are supposed to be a “sub-brand” within Jeep. Don’t get that? Look straight at Ford, who has decided to try this out with the Mustang and Bronco nameplates. That’s why there is no actual Jeep badging on them. Is that a problem? According to Jeep, no…because of the Wagoneer name, the are “obviously Jeep”, and not some Americanized Range Rover. And finally, no…they are not Trail Rated. The Trail Rated badge means 10 inches of ground clearance, skid plates, tow hooks, off-roading rubber, and are a trail-sized vehicle. Because the Wagoneer/Grand Wagoneer are the automotive equivalent of the teacher the kids call “Miss DumpTruck”, Jeep isn’t even bothering. You’re paying at least $60 grand, and potentially as much as six figures, for a school bus with pedigree. Even they doubt you’ll see much more than a well-groomed gravel road.


4. Oh, that’s why…gotcha.

Heard anything about this “chip shortage” lately? If not, here’s the short take: there is a global semiconductor chip shortage that is affecting just about everybody. Well, count the Chevy Camaro in on that problem…due to the shortage, the Lansing Grand River Assembly Plant has been paused due to the parts shortage. Twenty bucks says that this is what’s keeping Cadillac’s barely-distinguishable crossovers pouring out of the plants. Just don’t forget to slap the badge on the back so we know which squinty-eyed lump it is, okay?

5. Who the hell died and made you Technoking?

Yeah, we couldn’t make up that title if we tried. Earlier this week, Tesla Inc added a couple of new titles to some of the upper management: Elon Musk is now the “Technoking” (oontz-oontz-oontz), and CFO Zachary Kirkhorn is now the “Master of Coin”. While this is probably only done to irritate nerves within the Securities Exchange Commission, a government group that Musk himself has zero trouble mocking (from a Tweet: “SEC, three letter acronym, middle word is Elon’s”), you have to wonder just what was going on in the meeting where these new titles were actually thought up. Actually, no, you don’t. The answer is simple. Joe Rogan sent over some more choice weed.

  • Share This
  • Pinterest
  • 0

3 thoughts on “Scrapple, Your Guide To The “meh”-Worthy News! This Week: Cat Thieves, Technoking And More!

  1. john

    Thank God for battery powered tools…. the “cat.knappers” would go crazy with only hack saws. Yea for technology!!!

  2. Matt Cramer

    I give this Alpha Wolf trucklet a 5% chance of actually being made – but I wish them good luck. I think they’re onto something.

  3. Loren

    I don’t mind an obscenely rich guy, whose fortune came at the hands of willing contributors for at-least-seeming-like-he’s-trying to improve society, having a little fun. Hopefully it’s really pissing off Bernie Sanders.

Comments are closed.