Oh, you have no idea how happy I am to write this week’s Scrapple…it means that the week is over! It means that I’ve endured a week of staying at home sick. It means that I’ve endured watching killer racing from Lights Out 10 in the comfort of my own bed instead of being at the line getting my first hints of race fuel for the season. It means that warmer weather is on it’s…wait…whaddya mean, “eight inches of rain this week?!!”
Well, better make the re-hashing and roasting of some of the more worthy news clips snappy this time. Looks like I better go get an inflatable boat…or figure out how to paddle a Mercury across a creek!
1. STOP ALREADY.
The idea that humans should not be the ones in charge of the two-ton machine keeps pressing on. The latest bit of news comes courtesy of a new agreement from a United Nations forum that sees forty countries mandating what is known as Advanced Emergency Braking systems. The United States, China and India are not part of this agreement, but don’t let that cool you off…the U.S. already has an agreement with 20 automakers that says an auto-braking system will be in place by the fall of 2022, with four brands (Tesla, Mercedes, Toyota and Volvo) already working to implement the move.
Again: trust the electronics of the car to know best, or strengthen the requirements for actual drivers to adhere to? Better licensing would eliminate the need for crap like this…
2. Cool idea. Bit hipster-ish, but cool idea.
Alright, this one is a bit cheesy, but at least the heart was in the right place. Tesla got a tweet from a customer that wanted some kind of “dog mode”. Ask and Elon shall deliver an over-the-air update that will keep the interior of the car at a comfortable temperature while putting a “my owner will be back soon” message and a large readout of the interior temperature. Maybe that will keep someone from bashing your windows out in the name of being a savior of the day. Maybe not…PeTA might still view the act as freeing an oppressed canine.
3. Well…bye.
So long, Buick Cascada. We barely thought of you. Moving on…
4. “To Hell With Physics”, Chapter 13
5,340 pounds of brick-like overstuffed sport-utility. That’s the Bentley Bentayga in a nutshell. And apparently, in it’s 626 horsepower/664 ft/lb Speed form, the financially stout can take that weight and tell everything involved with physics to properly screw off, tearing to 62 MPH in just under four seconds and running all the way to 190 miles an hour.
Bentley is a VW brand, yeah? Can that engine be stuffed into the shell of a gutted Audi? I’d love to know what a 2,700 pound silhouette racer with all wheel drive could do with that kind of torque wave. May I suggest the A5 coupe?
5. If Toyota can do it, why can’t the rest of you?!
To automakers: DO YOU SEE THIS TOYOTA 86? Do you know what makes this car more special that about 90% of anything else you offer right now? COLOR. This might be a limited-edition example just for the UK, but this Toyota 86 is rocking green beautifully. It’s not subdued, and it’s not Mopar’s eye-searing look-at-me, either. It’s a real color. Remember what colors look like? Remember selling shades of red, blue, yellow and yes, green? TRY THAT AGAIN.
“Advanced Emergency Braking System”. Just what we need to make pay even LESS attention while driving! Brilliant….
There is a great way to avoid to deal with all this stupid nanny state crap in a new car. Don’t buy one. Save yourself $500 month to own one while you are at it.
c-class has a killer dark green metallic right now, it totally awesome