Jump a dirt bike? Sure. Power-slide a three-wheeler with half of my body seemingly cocked-off of one side? All day long. Take a 4×4 quad into a “puddle” on a trail so damn deep that I was the only item not under water? Yep, done that too. But one thing I would never, ever do would be a legit hillclimb. And let me be specific: It doesn’t matter which ORV you put me in. It could be a 4×4 pickup with 600 horsepower and the tires aired down to nearly nothing, but the moment I start to go perpendicular to the ground level, my body goes into panic mode because unless I’m completely successful, there’s only one way this will end…and on a quad, a bike, or a three-wheeler, it’s going to hurt, I don’t care how much quality riding equipment you are wearing.
Call me out all you want, but take a look at the action that Busted Knuckle Films got from such a climb at Bikini Bottoms ORV park in Tennessee and tell me you’d be all about it. You’ve got dudes on ropes whose only job is to swing out and keep the rider from becoming a living, breathing Plinko chip. That kind of hill. The kind where you spend your last couple seconds on flat ground mentally screwing with your own head, convincing yourself that this is a solid idea and that all you need is more throttle. More throttle and you’ll be ok. More throttle and you’ll see the crest of the hill. More throttle and you won’t become gravity’s bitch. We’ll take the Banshee with the stroker motor and the swingarm stretch for our best bet, thank you kindly.