ATTENTION TO EMPLOYEES: 

Greetings, minions. We have made it to the end of the year…which means that if you haven’t got the Christmas music going, you might want to get on it as soon as possible, before Regional’s evil little elves stop by and start making you work in elf hats and antlers. By the time they are done you’ll be spewing forth a rant that would make Clark Griswold apologize to Cousin Eddy for the whole “Shitter’s Full!” incident. It wouldn’t be the holidays without a headache that pulses to the beat of “Jingle Bell Rock”, would it? As much fun as all of that sounds, you have to remember that it is the season that the public have been looking forward to ever since the bones of the turkey were picked clean and the improv MMA scenes that occurred during Black Friday were cleaned up. Get beyond the materialism, and look at the Christmas season for what it is. As jaded as I am, even I have to appreciate the lights and the rare occurrences of actual goodwill towards fellow men. Hey, even the dysfunctional wrench jockeys at Mechanic Memes got me a gift:

(Don’t worry, they got one from me as well. I sure hope they put that “ratchet” to good use.)

Now, with it being the holiday season, what I want to do here is not crack that many jokes or do my usual Sam Kinison-style ranting. I want to leave you with some thoughts for the upcoming weeks, from now until New Years’ Hangover. The combination of the stresses, real and self-imposed, on individuals, Seasonal Affected Disorder, alcohol use and abuse, and for some the loneliness of the holiday season takes a heavy toll. You can find it anywhere, from the vet who lives by themselves to the senior members of the family who are getting the “alone in a crowded room” treatment by the rest of the family. This time of year isn’t about a shitload of gifts, or about getting bombed on brandy, or about who has the most lights on their house. It’s about family, friends and connections, and spending time not necessarily with family, but with the ones that you love and care about. I fully get not going home for Christmas, but maybe you might want to go visit an old Army buddy, or instead of dealing with the chaos and noise that you know will be present at your mom and dad’s house, go visit Grandma and spend some time with her. I don’t mean to get all sappy on you, really…it’s just that the dark side of the holidays can be and should be averted. Keep your cool, wear the ugly sweater, call someone you don’t get to see in person, and enjoy the holidays for what they are truly meant to be.

With this, I leave you with a quote from former President Calvin Coolidge:

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.

Whatever you celebrate, enjoy the holiday season. Take care of yourselves and each other, enjoy New Year’s Eve responsibly, and I’ll see you back at the store on January 2nd. Be ready, we’re doing a 100% inventory.