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BangShift Question Of The Day: What Old Nameplate Should Be Slapped Onto A New SUV?


BangShift Question Of The Day: What Old Nameplate Should Be Slapped Onto A New SUV?

Apparently, the way to jump-start vehicle sales at Mitsubishi is to take a storied name from the past and slap it onto a new crossover. The first shot was fired with the Eclipse Cross…the original Eclipse was a little pocket-rocket of a sports coupe that when equipped with all-wheel-drive and a turbocharged 4G63 four-banger, was impressive and when properly worked over, sheer violence in a very unassuming package. The Eclipse Cross, on the other hand, is yet another four-door hatchback crossover, like the world needed another one. The next one that Mitsu is whipping up was recently shown in preview mode as the e-Evolution. Yeah, Evolution. As in the last solid effort that Mitsubishi put into a car, the psychotic rally rocket. THAT Evo. It’ll be like the Nissan Rouge Sport or the Toyota C-HR…a “stylish” vehicle that might buckle a control arm at the mere thought of a curb. And we’re still hoping that all of the hate comments have gotten Ford to reconsider slapping “Mach 1” on an electro-crossover.

Sadly, in today’s market, the crossover and sport-utility, and every derivative form thereof, is going to be more popular than just about everything short of the pickup truck. Cars are disappearing or are providing gimmicks to keep buyers loyal (*ahem* HELLCAT) and the cars that go away will be replaced by some high-riding wagon that many auto-journos believe is the only way to the future. Well, since that is a bleak enough picture, let’s play a game with the idea. Finding new vehicle names is a struggle for manufacturers…look at the rebranded Dodge Durango that Chrysler flaunted a decade ago. “Aspen”…they willingly brought out a name that was already pretty tainted and ran with it. So what else can we come up with?

  • Chevrolet Celebrity: This will be a small-ish crossover, like a Jeep Cherokee with more ass-end, optional all-wheel-drive, and will have a specialized Euro-like trim package to make you forget that you really bought a seriously stretched out Cruze. Expect a “Real People” ad to follow…”Would you believe that this car is really the new Celebrity?”
  • Chrysler Newport: This will butt heads with the Chevrolet Venture and upcoming Kia Telluride, a nine-passenger model that will be surprisingly massive on the outside and kind of powerful, yet will be so overstuffed inside that you’ll feel like you’re driving something mid-sized…right up until you back over the hood of a Civic.
  • Ford Granada: Because someone in Dearborn just hates vehicles in general. It’s another model that has no reason to exist, but what the hell, let’s bring in another one anyways!

You are a creative bunch, readers, and I’m sure you can do better than I did here. What nameplate isn’t quite tarnished enough and needs to suffer the indignity of all-wheel-drive mall crawling? Here’s your open forum, roast away!

 


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7 thoughts on “BangShift Question Of The Day: What Old Nameplate Should Be Slapped Onto A New SUV?

  1. jerry z

    There isn’t any nameplate that should be revived. It would be an insult to the same vehicles that most people didn’t care about back then!

  2. Matt Cramer

    I can think of a few choices that might be seriously good choices:

    Jeepster Commando. Seriously, this would have been a better name for the Renegade.

    Mercury (now Ford?) Bobcat. Doesn’t it sound like this name should be attached to a pretty capable little rock crawler? And the general public has probably forgotten it used to be applied to a badge engineered Pinto.

    Dodge Raider. This rebadged Mitsubishi Montero (hey, why didn’t Mitsubishi revive THAT name instead?) was a pretty capable little off roader with a cool name. I would have said Ramcharger, but I think Dodge might be better served with something a size below the Durango rather than a size above it at this time.

    And one that’s a bit more of a long shot… but could actually work.

    Aztec. “It was ahead of its time then; it’s ahead of its time now!”

  3. Tubbed Pacecar

    On a (somewhat) related topic, how about names that have been brought back from the dead, and basically RUINED any reverance or cache that name originally had…..

    The List Starts Here:

    1) Dodge DAYTONA pickup. WTF?? A truck with a decal on the box panels and a wing on the back?? Thanks to this RIDICULOUS model, the DAYTONA name is officially RUINED FOREVER

    2) Mustang II KING COBRA. Again, a bit of add-on bodywork and some gaudy decals, and somehow a 302 2bbl powered car becomes some kind of rocket?? Nah, just a pig with some lipstick!!

    add you nominee below:)

  4. RK - no relation

    Bobcat; I forgot about that one. My sister had one and I recall the lame attempts to make it an upgrade to Mercury level, like bigger tail lights and grill. It was still a turd, especially because is was auto trans.

    But picture a slightly lifted knobby tired Pinto shaped modern little rock crawler, like Matt said above. It’ll fly off the shelves!!!

  5. Bill Greenwood

    The next generation Escalade deserves the Eldorado badge, and vice versa. I say that as a compliment. Ranchero deserves a place as a version of a four-door F-150. How about the Duster? A regular cab Ram 1500 with AWD and Hellcat power? Or 2wd and SRT power?

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