(Lead Photo: Reddit/Just Rolled Into The Shop) Billions of dollars and more man-hours than we dare dream of go into the design portion of a vehicle platform. It used to be simple: engine goes here, transmission goes here, humans sit here. Not anymore…not by a long shot. Engine bays look like your standard internal-combustion engine is undergoing assimilation by the Borg. The transmission only requires a signal to find a gear, which means that theoretically, you could wire up an old Nintendo controller in a way that would allow you to shift into gear. Ergonomics is everything, gadgets sell cars, and “infotainment” is no longer a buzzword, but a genuine, sweat-in-your-sleep worry for designers…because heaven help us all if the damn radio is slightly less human friendly than a smartphone to use.
Somewhere along the line, simple engineering got thrown out the door and left behind. Want proof? Take a look at the lead photo: nothing too special, just the oil dipstick…and the battery, with exposed terminals, right in the obvious travel path. Now, most people who read BangShift would look at that, understand that there is a way to do this job correctly, and manage to not treat themselves to a pretty light display, or worse…much, much worse. Now imagine any member of the family that is present in the advertisement for this car trying to check the oil. After they whip out their smartphone to locate the dipstick (no, not the one holding the phone), there is a surprisingly good chance that at minimum, the dipstick is going to end up welded to the battery. Or, at least, someone is going to get a good scare. Quick, get me the popcorn, I want to watch this go down…
So, what we are asking you, the readers, is this: what is the most mind-bogglingly questionable feat of automotive engineering that you have ever seen? Are you like me, who owns a car that tried to leap too far forward in technology only to have the results turn to crap in short order, or do you just want to vent to the son-of-a-bitch who decided that putting the fuel pump in the tank of the 1989 Camaro you’re staring down? Let it go in the comments below!
Cadillac when they decided to take the starter and put it in the valley of the engine. Every god dam car ever made has had the starter on the outside, why make things harder than they have to be?
BMW somehow managed to pull off the same “You have to remove the intake manifold to get the starter” design… on an inline six… that tilted 30 degrees to the right like a Mopar slant six. Truly a perverse packaging job there.
But the worst bit of factory engineering I’ve personally wrenched on is probably a the wiring in a 1979 Triumph Spitfire. There were no circuit breakers built into it anywhere, and only three fuses, none of which were on the headlight circuit. And the headlight wiring was in a position that the edge of the clamshell hood could rub against it when you popped the hood. You could see where this is going. British Leyland did not. If you put the ’79 Spitfire wiring diagrams next to the wiring diagram for my ’66 Dodge Dart, you’d probably guess that one of the wiring diagrams was over a decade older… but you’d probably guess wrong about which was the older one.
Englishmen drink their Guinness warm because they have Lucas refrigerators . . .
A slight well-intentioned halogen upgrade to my Spitfire’s headlights yielded a melted dash switch. I’m surprised the additional amperage didn’t melt the length of the wiring loom. Stupid stupid stupid.
Many years later I have a TR6 – my LED headlights are on order, brighter and about 1/3 the amperage draw of stock.
I agree 100% on that BMW 6. The oil pan lip is still oriented horizontally (unlike a slant six) so the right side of the oil pan gasket always fails. When it does it’s a “simple” process of removing the 32 oil pan bolts (3 hidden) and dropping the front sub-frame. I sold my 735i after that one.
Kia optima has a good one. The rear caliper anchor lower bolt can’t be removed without disconnecting the rear most control arm. Way to go!
Same with the Hyundai Sonata
Any motor with the oil filter mounted high up or placed at an angle, so when you unscrew it oil pours over the motor.
I have an Opel, sideways mounted motor, filter at the rear, unscrew the filter bathe the starter motor in oil.
Errr, the motor is manufactured by Suzuki.
My late model F150 no longer has a dipstick for the automatic transmission. Supposed to take it to the dealer to have the level checked. Silly.
If it’s a 6 speed it does have a dip stick accessible from the bottom and on the right side. Start the engine and remove the cap. Then pull the dipstick out. But unless there is a leak you should not need to check it until it is time to change the fluid. What I don’t like about this transmission is you can’t drain the torque converter as you could on all previous Ford built transmissions. I don’t include that French made 5 speed.
Mopar; hides the battery inside the front fender.
GM; power steering pump located on the back side of a transverse mounted motor. Need 2 more joints in your arm just to check the level.
Bad as factory designs can be, nothing could ever match the internal workings of the mind of the d.i.y. home repairman. Nothing worse than getting the job that the owner tried and failed to repair himself to unscramble. I like the extension cord wiring, or the two wrecked cars that had their “good” half’s welded together lol. (Actually showed up at dealership)
The idea of putting the starter in the engine valley was to protect it from exhaust feed road dirt etc. However not all things work as planned
So the last 100 yrs or so, the starter was located in the wrong place?
Engineers…..WTF!
Agree with the Lucas wiring, my SBC MGB has No original wiring (now has 4 relays-12 fuses) , when Lucas 3 fuses only!
Toyota, why in the hell would you go back to a canister type oil filter, in plastic no less? After 2 years of dealer service, I now discover my wife’s 2014 Camry (I-4) has this wonderful feature. Really? Special cup wrench (Napa $29) and drain tap that screws in the canister after plug is removed to drain filter. Guess those ridiculous spin-on filters invented in the 1950’s and used successfully ever since were a bad idea.
A customer had a 1985 Buick that wasn’t charging. Tracked the problem to no power from the ignition to excite the field. There is also no fuse in this feed. Jumped 12V to terminal and alternator charged fine. While tracing the wire my customer said she didn’t realize there was a problem until the battery went dead because there is no gauge and the idiot light didn’t come on. On a hunch I checked the bulb (fun job) and it was burned out. Changed the bulb and, shazam, the alternator started charging. What kind of idiot engineer uses a light bulb to protect a circuit or makes a circuit vulnerable to a light bulb?
I also remember some British cars like the Triumph used a common fuse with the WS wiper motor which could cause grief if you didn’t know about that. Of course unless you’re a specialist or an aficionado you have little or no information on these cars. If you ever encounter one with a charging problem check if the wipers work.
Ramblers are the same way!
On the lead photo – – is that a rubber fuel hose directly over the distributor? Wait, it must be safe since the hose is made in the USA.
The 4.6 FORD mod motor having 4 or 5 threads holding the plugs into the head so if you over or under torque them they launch just like a Saturn 5 rocket. I’ve had this happen, it wipes out the c.o.p also. How this made production is a mystery to me.
How about the transverse mounted engine? Hows that for an annoying bit of engineering?
Any Lucas Electric component! Joseph Lucas was known as the “Prince of Darkness” for a reason!
My wife’s 1998 Lexus GS400 (4 liter V8) also has the starter in the valley under the intake. It’s a full weekend job to swap this between the wiring and coolant assembly that comes apart just to get to this. Good times, indeed.
Volkswagen and other “German Engineering” that cant have allen wrenches, but instead the ‘Ultra Special’ Triple Square bits (VW) or aluminum Star head bolts that are 1 time use only (BMW starter). Not to mention that they dont have dipsticks for the engine oil or trans since 2007 or so? The economy tanking must means they have to cut back on costs somewhere…. (dipsticks)
Lexus LS400 putting the known-to-leak power steering pump right above the PITA to change alternator…
Nissan is now using Torx Plus for dual mass flywheel bolts. Haven’t heard of these yet? A set goes for about $300 off the Matco truck.
Ford V8’s with long reach spark plugs that glue themselves to the cylinder head with carbon, then break off when you change them.
Try replacing a heater core on a 2002 Chevy Cavalier, you have to take the entire dash off.
Various Renault models, for some unknown reason have the right hand direction indicator lamp fuse in a hidden fusebox in a housing fixed under the battery and engine ecu below the bulkhead panel requiring the patience of a saint and the engineering skill of an f1 mechanic to change it, and the left turn fuse in the main fuse board in the glovebox that any body could change blindfolded and with one hand tied behind their back,Why???
Not to mention anything without a drain plug, remember the first smart cars with no engine oil drain plug?
The engineers don’t ever have to work on the car. Plus that engineering degree doesn’t come with a degree in common sense.
Lucas electrics, a.k.a. Prince of Darkness……
Starter on a Chevette (or Pontiac T1000). Hidden under the intake manifold with a bolt up in the top corner right under where the intake meets the block. This after you remove the steering column and pull it back to get the steering shaft out of the way AND remove the master cylinder and brake booster.
I used to manage an auto parts store in the inner city of Detroit. I could literally write a book about the creative engineering solutions I have seen – by folks that simply needed to keep the car running for another day.
The broken batter cable attached to the terminal with a lag bolt.
The broken door held closed with a necktie wrapped around the window post and the headrest bracket.
The ballooned radiator hose sealed up with red shop towels and a roll of electrical tape which was expanding and contracting like it had a pulse.
The tire attached with two wheel locks (out of five possible – three were broken studs).
The broken exhaust manifold to pipe mount attached with a pair of vise grips – and a radiator hose clamp to hold the vise grips closed.
Cars that would stop by the store for a quart of the cheapest oil.
Every. Single.Day…
I worked on a old street rod that had a real pinto front end. It steered great one way and terrible the other. Turns out that for a short time pintos came with a cable instead of universal joints! It was unravelling in one direction! How in the hell did Ford engineers approve that!