Oh, good lord, Kevin, what have you done. A Chevy Malibu wagon in one of the many flavors of cream/beige/”I Can’t Believe It’s Not White!” that most late 1970s-very early 1980s cars were painted in. I’ll discuss why my left eye is twitching in a moment, but first, let’s address the public service that our favorite Iowan gearhead is trying to teach you.

For $2500, he’s picked up a car that most speed delinquents can appreciate: warm 350, swapped-in four-speed manual, snotty exhaust, station wagon. Yep, that checks a few boxes. For that kind of money, he did good – this Malibu would certainly fall under the Rough Start search history. Knowing that, you know there’s things to look at, even beyond the throwout bearing that is howling like a husky that got kicked in the coin purse. You have a new-to-you car, sure, but it’s still about as old as I am. And I promise you, over the last four decades, there’s things that need checked out, things that are broken, items that just don’t work as well anymore, and an exhaust leak. As long as Kevin’s been making YouTube videos about raising dead machines back to life, he’s learned a thing or two, so if you’re new to the game, this is a lesson you should take seriously.

Now, about that PTSD thing: when I was 12, I decided to go on a walk one afternoon before dinnertime…and never bothered to return home. I roamed the woods, hung around the creeks, and was maybe a football field away from catching a Little League baseball game when I both heard and saw a huge problem come screaming up the road in my direction. There was a car almost identical to this in our driveway at one point. It was two shades darker beige (think butterscotch instead of banana cream) and it had a flat-black hood on it with louvers punched in, and a very angry man with two friends were inside, hunting down the ward who decided to go on a walkabout. That wasn’t a good night…or week…hell, I don’t remember how long I was grounded for after that stunt.

I’ll be in Iowa in a few days’ time. Maybe, just maybe, if I ask nicely, I might get a chance at ripping gears in this thing before I leave.