When the Ram Rebel debuted at the North American International Auto Show, my first reaction was oddly enough, of disgust, mostly with the pandering the the bro-truck crowd, but visually the large-by-huge name badges were awful and the new grille looked, at best, uninspired. But since the truck was catering to a certain type of buyer, and seemed to fill a niche that FCA wasn’t focusing on previously, I simply hoped that it was a one-off issue and that all would be all right. Then word started coming down that another new Ram product would debut in Chicago and that unlike the Rebel, nobody knew what it was going to be. Oooh, new truck? Maybe a Dakota-sized ride to take on the Colorado? Hellcat Ram? I waited with anticipation. And then, this morning…

Aw, shit. Are you kidding me?

The Ram Laramie just had the wraps pulled off of it at the Chicago Motor Show, and it appears that all is not right. FCA just might have made me rethink “black and chrome”, my favorite vehicle look. Overall, the truck is the same shape, but the new trim has gone well past “questionable” and “tasteless” and slammed full-force into “WTF?!” The “RAM” lettering on the tailgate, all 20×9″ per letter, are now chrome, with a satin strip low on the tailgate to break up the body color. Up front, the grille has taken on a new, twin-port and over-lined look that makes me cringe. It looks like one of those customized barbecue grilles, but more horrifying…and slathered in chrome. The reason for these big-ass badges, reported by Autoblog and credited to an FCA press release, is “so onlookers can clearly identify the truck.” This has to be a sick joke…the only way you could make it more clear to the onlooker would be to pry off one of the tailgate letters with a crowbar and proceed to physically assault said individual with the letter R until they were cowering in fear on the sidewalk! “Who made this truck? WHO?” “…Ram…Ram made this truck…”

Here’s why this bothers me so much: overall, the Ram is the same model that we got in 2009 and not much has really been freshened up since then. Ram has seen fit not to really address the mid cycle look, but instead threw a ton of chrome at the truck and called it good. It reminds me of 1950s chrome sleds, which were mechanically the same car it was last year, but with a ton more chrome added. Most people would simply look at this truck, make a judgement call on the trim, and move on. What I see is a company who is essentially saying “eff it” and slapping new shiny bits to distract from the fact that it’s still a six-year-old truck. There’s a history behind the practice, as Dodge did precisely that for the 1972-1993 D-series/Ram: new grilles, a taillight update, and once, a mild interior work over once on what was the same damn truck.

I don’t know what’s worse: the tacky “restyling” or the inability to significantly upgrade the truck. If it doesn’t need to be changed, don’t change it! If you need to have big block letters screaming out who you are to people, something is wrong…it’s not like a Ram 1500’s styling is bland, as it’s evolved from the “mini-semi” look that shut the manufacturing world up in 1994. Considering that a well-appointed Laramie is pushing $50,000 in price, do you really want your new, expensive pickup to have badges that like Tonka toy badges plastered to the sheet metal?