It’s a rolling middle finger. That’s all this 1979 Buick Electra station wagon trar is, a rolling middle finger. It’s not like a nice wagon was turned into a trar…we’d fully understand and appreciate that. This isn’t pristine by country miles…it’s complete enough but it’s got a layer of “patina”, bumpers with surface rust, some old-school wagon wheels on even older Goodyear off-road tires, and the overall vibe of a serial killer’s bug-out ride that’s been living in the forests for the last few decades. It’s like a full-size version of those old Stompers 4×4 toys, except it’s missing the required pushbar and roof-mounted lights.
If it seems like this Electra wagon is the result of some bad decisions…you’re dead-on right. The ad, verbatim:
“Back in the eighties I took a bet on a six pack of Coors beer. Month later I drank that beer while I cruised around in my monster Buick 4X4. Power train is 75 Blazer and body is 79 Buick Station wagon. Automatic, PS PB Electric windows Air Cruise all the goodies. I parked it when I moved to beach and got it out of storage a year ago. New brakes thruout, new fuel pump and cleaned all the lines and 36gal tank. Due to getting old I just can’t even get in it now so its best to let someone else have a ball with it. I MIGHT consider a partial trade for a small truck or Jeep or Model A Ford. It needs a cleaning and a new battery and have a ball. I drove it to and from beach for years and to dirt track races and to car shows just to get a rise out of folks. A TRUE HEAD TURNER!!! It is titled as a homemade Buick SW with applied numbers. All the paperwork is as real as it can be. You only have to do inspections on the lights and such not the emissions. I will not sell this to a kid without their parent’s making the deal.”
Can you just imagine Timmy’s parents when he tells them that he wants an end-of-the-world station wagon to drive around in? Most parents would be on the phone to a child psychologist in half a second to make the appointments.
We dig this monster, though. It’s never going to be pretty, so embrace the ugly: scrub off the algae from inside and out, get some serious power underneath that hood, make it loud, and get some new tires on this thing before one of those old Goodyears explodes at speed. Scare your neighbors. Expect letters from the local HOA. Enjoy other people’s level of discomfort around a nightmare of an old station wagon.
Why do I want this!!!!!
Where was this when we found the limo? We’d have done Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide which one to buy!