Ye gods. I’ve put up some absolute piles on BangShift before, but this 1982 Ford van just might take the cake. All you’re missing is “FREE CANDY” spray-painted along the sides and you instantly have a rolling felony on your hands. Why would anybody want an old Ford van in the first place? Well, because they are basically a closed-in F-series truck, they’re durable as all get-out, and you won’t feel bad at all if something happens to it. But a gigantic purple pile of Ford? Surely there’s a redeeming factor here, right?

Of course there is…if there wasn’t, I wouldn’t even attempt to write this unless we were pouring gasoline in the back of the van. I have no idea how many 1980s Econolines came with a manual transmission, but here it is…a four-speed hooked to a 300ci inline-six. It’s not sexy and it’s not fast, but they’re durable and will get the job done every time. And we do dig the old-school Ford dash layout…if you’re unfamiliar with Ford trucks from this era, that is the F-series gauge layout with only a slight tweak to fit the Econoline’s dash. Again, it ain’t pretty, but it’ll get the job done.

Yes, your first answer to “what would you do with it?” should be “Rip out everything made of fabric and burn it for the sake of humanity.” I was born after the vanning craze was over and done with…what were you guys thinking?! What I do see here is a lot of real estate that could easily be upfitted for a mobile work station or to be a killer parts hauler. Replace the seats immediately with something plush and luxurious for comfort, like you’d find in a junkyard Lincoln. Put some thicker-grade sheetmetal over the exposed door frames and walls, tie-down points along the walls and the floor. Put in cabinets and a small, useable tool box. Put in anything you like, so long as it doesn’t allude to clowns, but you have the room to put it in.

On the outside, do ANYTHING that gets rid of that purple color. I don’t want to know what that shade is called…break out the sanders and the 80-grit and get rid of every ounce of that color. We’d be hunting down some old-school mags, white-letter tires and anything that will at least give some kind of disco-cool vibe to this otherwise horrifying tank. Maybe a vinyl wrap of a cool “naked lady riding a dragon” mural would work out, since wraps are fairly cheap compared to tons of lacquer paint.

Those are just a few suggestions, but maybe you have some of your own you’d like to share. Engine swap and turn this Ford into a monster? Full-on shaggin’ wagon? Or maybe you’d go with your gut instinct and make this rolling brick the next burnt-out shell at the junkyard…either way, we want to hear what your suggestions are! Our only true suggestion: whatever your choice, get some good latex gloves before you touch anything.

Craigslist Link: 1982 Ford Econoline 100