With the Chicago Auto Show dumping uninspiring cars and unbelievably chromed-out trucks on us, it seems fitting that this week’s Scrapple should be Chicago-based…so take a half-eaten hot dog, two slices of lasagna-like pizza, a soggy-ass sandwich, and have it served to you by a pissed-off waitress who is hell-bent on making you cry before your first bite. And, FYI, don’t ask for a double-chocolate milkshake. We had to go to therapy after that one…
1. Chevrolet’s Bolt Will Come From Detroit
GM’s pot-shot at the Tesla Model 3 will be built in Detroit, according to Autoblog. While we tend to be skeptical of any move involving the phrases “potentially ground-shaking” and “General Motors”, treeing Tesla at the affordable EV game would be a swift kick into Elon Musk’s nuts, especially if Chevy can deliver on the promises of $30,000 price tag and a 200 mile range. No word yet on when, exactly, The Little EV That Just Might will enter production.
2. The autonomous human terra-pod is being tested in Britain
The abhorrent creation with the Def Leppard paint job is the Putz Laughfinder Lutz Pathfinder and it’s the first autonomous vehicle to be authorized for testing in Great Britain, where it will be unleashed upon the unknowing citizens of Milton Keynes later this year. Take note of the “Catapult” at the step below the door…here’s hoping it works, because I would watch a show about people being randomly launched from these pods. Wouldn’t you?
3. Will somebody just take Mitsubishi out back and shoot them already?!
Define desperation: Mitsubishi’s appearance at the Chicago Auto Show was the GC-PHEV (center, above). For those of you not paying attention, that concept appeared (breathe in) TWO YEARS AGO at the Tokyo Auto Show. In addition, the dying auto manufacturer has been courting Nissan for a midsize sedan after a joint Nissan-Renault deal fell through. Look, either refresh the EVO and give us the 3000GT back, or just box your stuff and go already…it’s been years since anything good came out of this camp, and no, the Mirage hatchback is still a polished turd.
4. Honda is going to give the Ridgeline almost-a-pickup a second shot at life
Honda’s Ridgeline was an interesting deal when it showed up in 2006. Essentially a modified Odyssey with a bed, the Ridgeline never sold that well, mostly because it was perceived as an overpriced Accord ute with a bed. Apparently the lackluster sales and the stiff competition just weren’t enough to stop Honda from taking a second shot at the market. Good on them for not giving up, but a suggestion: either make it more car-like so it appeals to traditional Honda buyers, or look to your V8 program for some power that can actually be used.
5. Hellcat owner gets his feelings hurt, makes bitchy video and national news
If it weren’t for the multitudes of people asking if I’d seen this video, I wouldn’t have given this guy the print, but tons of people have asked, so here goes: an individual, and presumed Hellcat owner, posted a YouTube tirade HERE where he goes off the handle about the “seven commandments of Hellcat ownership”. Effectively, this man made every “fast car equals small penis” idiot’s argument valid in one eight-minute video and left a ton of late-model Mopar owners facepalming bruises onto their foreheads. There are certain things that one should probably do when purchasing one of these cars, sure. Performance driving lessons should be a standard feature for one of these beasts. But hopping onto YouTube and crying because a Challenger owner spun his tires racing against a very impressive Tesla is just…f***king…stupid.
Now, for something to make you feel better about all of this:
Behold, the ass-kicking minivan owner!
Milton Keynes is well known for having a herd of concrete cows – maybe one of them could fall on that stinking little devil’s turd and do us all a favour!
Still it would look great with a blown Hemi transplant!