Looking outside the office window, I keep thinking I was supposed to build a giant boat to live in for a few months. It is to raining what using a firehose to water the roses is. At least the office is high and dry right now, so once you take off your waders and get dried off, belly up to the table for a dose of Scrapple, our batch of mildly roasted leftover news!
1. Are You Ready, Kids?
If you haven’t heard yet, Formula 1 will no longer be using “grid girls”, as the use of female models on the starting paddock “does not resonate with our brand values and clearly is at odds with modern day societal norms”. Instead, they are bringing in “grid kids”, who will be chosen either by lottery or based upon performance from junior categories or karting leagues. No matter your feelings one way or another about the loss of sleek female models, the replacement is actually an awesome idea. A lot of kids in karting are looking to move up in ranks in the racing world, and what better target to achieve than to be chosen to work at an F1 race? For once, it’s a good move to report in Formula 1.
2. Somewhere, Urkel is learning how to read Mandarin…
Sadly, the nose doesn’t swing open, but everything else about the Eagle EG6330K smacks of the Urkelmobile, doesn’t it? It’s about the size of the slightly bigger BMW 600, and it’s design isn’t just a ripoff…Eagle admits that the BMW was the design inspiration. Don’t get too worked up about this thing, though…it falls under China’s Low Speed Electric Vehicle segment, meaning it’s electric motors make just over five horsepower, it might hit 37 MPH on a good day, but at least you’ve got about 75 miles of range. It’s a golf cart with style.
3. Diesel drama du jour
Yes, this dumpster fire is still blazing strong with both VW Group and FCA in the crosshairs this week. Here’s the basic rundown:
- FCA has been offered a deal where the Department of Justice would settle it’s lawsuit against the company if FCA voluntarily recalls 104,000 EcoDiesel-powered vehicles and pays “an undisclosed fee” that is supposed to be “very substantial” and meant to reflect the seriousness of the violations. It does not, however, shut down the Department of Justice’s criminal investigation of the company. Apparently the fines could be in the billions…
- The lastest news on VW was basically the equivalent of throwing a full propane tank into a warehouse fire: it was recently unearthed that VW had been a sponsor of a test that exposed laboratory monkeys to diesel fumes back in 2014. A lawyer that is representing over 300 U.S Volkswagen diesel owners, while reflecting on that news, criticized the tests, comparing them to some of the atrocities that occurred during the Holocaust. Volkswagen of America filed to seek a delay of six months, as they feel that Michael Melkersen’s comments would prevent a fair trial.
4. Off to a blazing start.
That roasting pile of metal, rubber and smoke is what was left of a brand new Alpine A110 that TopGear presenters Chris Harris and Eddie Jordan had been enjoying on a section of the Monte Carlo Rally in Monaco. According to reports, a warning light came on and shortly after, things got bad quickly. Both presenters got out unharmed, and Alpine is investigating the cause of the fire.
5. …in a video game? Really, dude? You deserve it.
(Photo: Mahone Industries/iRacing. It wasn’t this guy.) For any of you who play online racing games, have you ever entered a lobby where somebody is driving like a dick, purposefully crashing into people and generally making things miserable? That happened in iRacing recently. iRacing isn’t like playing Forza on xBox…the players in the series take the racing seriously and pro drivers have used it as a training tool, so when a guy in a Porsche was caught on a Twitch stream trying to take out racers, it was only a matter of time before iRacing took action. The racer was none other than former NASCAR and F1 racer Scott Speed, who got suspended from the game.
Not sure what the Dodge people did. Seems that the VW deal started many investigations after the VW dieselgate. VW wanted to be the number one seller of cars in the world. I’m glad to see that may not happen for many years after all this. Admittedly the requirements for the emission levels are tough. But other manufacturers met them and so should VW. They are responsible for lots of statistical deaths and additional smog. Now the thing with the monkeys. Sorry guys, I hope you go down.