Fall isn’t here just yet, though the influence of pumpkin-spice everything has already hit full-force. But so long as the sun’s out and the temperatures are decent, there’s still plenty to do and see. Besides, look on the bright side: if you are a racer, these cooler temperatures are your friend! Get out to the track and see if you can hit a personal best before the trees go naked and the weather packs it in for the rest of the year. While you get those slicks ready, we’re going to cook up another batch of random news bites that are worth a roasting and call it Scrapple. Enjoy!

1. What, did it look better as a Nissan?

This week has been filled with a lot of anger and ridicule over designs. Chris Bangle (the dude behind the “Bangle Butt” BMWs of the 2000s) came out and straight-up said that everybody else’s designs sucked. Then there is this bit: that truck is the upcoming Mercedes-Benz X-class pickup…known to more people as the Nissan Navara.

Hendrik von Kunheim, senior vice president for BMW’s Asian, Australian and South African markets, wasn’t shy with his words. According to an interview with Australian car site Motoring, he had this to say:

“When you look now at our German competitor from Stuttgart I think that product (X-Class) is appalling,” von Kunheim told Australian media bluntly at the Frankfurt motor show overnight. “You would have expected something more serious. I saw that car (X-Class) in Geneva and was actually disappointed. Very disappointed. They can do better, they build fantastic cars, but this one was a disappointment.”

Burn.

2. *facepalm.*

Photo: Facebook/Jacksonville (FL) Sherriff’s Office

Here’s a hint to morons everywhere: don’t try to steal a damn LIGHT POLE. That kind of thing is easily noticed, especially when you strap it to the roof of a Kia SUV and try to high-tail it in the middle of the day. Dumbasses, the both of you.

3. Rambo Lambo, it ain’t.

The first Lamborghini SUV was the LM002, an off-road beast that was owned by the likes of the oppressor class. It was fast. It was capable. And it made for an impressive car-bomb display once the U.S. military got their hands on Uday Hussein’s example. Will it be fast? Probably, if the 650 horse twin-turbo V8 has anything to do with it. Will it be a capable off-roader? Right…and the fry cook at the McDonald’s down the street can rock the kitchen of a Michelin-starred restaurant.

4. This should answer any question you had about the mechanic.

It was actually called “Get Your Fix.” Can’t make that up, not that good. A multiple-conviction felon named Daniel Velasquez was running Get Your Fix Automotive in Pueblo, but it was a front shotp that he sold meth, heroin, cocaine and firearms out of while their cars were being worked on. He was arrested and is facing two felony firearms counts, a $250,000 fine, up to twenty years in prison, and of course, has pled not guilty to it all…even after he was videotaped with everything.

We tried to ask UPCG for a comment. He punched a wall and left for the day.

5. They were perfectly fine cars before **** started rolling downhill…

In several locations throughout the country, diesel Volkswagens are being stored while the absolute C.F. that is “Dieselgate” continues on. These were the cars that VW bought back from disaffected owners, and for the most part are useable cars waiting for a fix from Volkswagen before they can be resold. Except for someone in Michigan, who raided the Pontiac Silverdome storage facility for about sixty cars, and managed to get the vehicles moved and shipped to dealerships in Indiana and Kentucky with faked titles, and even resold out to new owners. VW themselves noticed something was up when the VINs were popping up on the radar when they should’ve been parked in the middle of nowhere and have been working with police to track down the liberated cars.