Somebody go up to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Grab that rodent by the scruff of it’s collar and proceed to get started on a set of mittens. That lying little throw pillow said early spring…and we aren’t laughing. This is the part of the year filled with false starts, rainouts, and in the case of the homefront, random heavy snow showers that go absolutely nowhere followed up by bone-aching damp cold. Hurry up, Spring, because Winter has worn out it’s welcome. Going outside isn’t a joy, staying inside sucks, and the weather blows no matter what. We’re looking forward to the days of cautiously warm sunshine and budding trees, but until we get to that point, we will stay inside, roast some bits of news that may or may not have deserved a second look, and we will serve it to you, garnished with a bit of whatever we can find in the fridge. Here’s this week’s Scrapple:

1. It will be super fast, annoying enthusiasts in just under three seconds.
Ever since the backlash over the whole “Mach 1” nameplate use on a potential electric SUV that is supposed to be “Mustang inspired”, Ford has had to go on the defensive of their new upcoming vehicle. Many, ourselves included, don’t want the Mustang heritage corrupted in the name of selling an electric SUV that, by all rights, should be able to stand on it’s own in the current market without having to dredge 55 years of history up just to look good. But Bill Ford, the current man at the helm, recently used said that the new machine “is going to go like hell”, according to Automotive News.

Making a fast freight hauler that runs purely on electricity…fine, whatever. But do us a favor, distance this thing away from anything Mustang. That nameplate has given you so much, and it would be a shame if you diluted it in the name of selling yet ANOTHER sport-utility vehicle.

2. The fight of the decade: Musk vs. the SEC!Apparently he didn’t learn his lesson the first time the SEC went after him for his Tweets. On Tuesday, a federal judge ordered Elon Musk to kindly explain why the court should not find him in contempt after he apparently violated his fraud settlement with the SEC when he referred to the commission as “broken”. It’s not for sure what the SEC will do to further punish Musk if they go after him, but what is certain is that Musk will still have an angle against the commission, who he criticizes regularity.

3. A certain rule: HOA’s ALWAYS suck.

Homeowners associations are about as enjoyable as slamming your finger in the car door repeatedly, then using the maimed hand to peel a lemon. On their best days they can be a bit intrusive, and on other days…well, let’s just say that I can’t use the proper terms in a BangShift blog post due to our standards (we try to stay at a PG-13 level around here.) But an HOA in Tennessee earned their fifteen minutes of fame when they tried to fine a woman $100 after her Honda left a rather girthy figure in the dusting of snow in the parking area. After making sure that the HOA rep was actually being serious, the owner of the car pretty much told them they weren’t getting paid and that if they really wanted to do something about how her car shaped itself in a snow dusting, that lawyers could get involved. The HOA backed down. Whether it was because of the lawyer threat or…well, you know…we don’t know.

4. Oh, look…a new Ferrari.

Meet the Ferrari F8 Tributo. It’s the replacement for the 488GTB. It’s the mid-engined V8, 3.9L, twin-turbocharged, 710 horsepower, 568 foot-pounds of torque, 8,000 RPM fun zone. Neat. Moving on…

5. Introducing the new iNom.

So, this is a thing: a Connecticut man had to go to court to challenge a $300 citation for distracted driving recently. The 45-year-old man claimed that he was not holding a cell phone, as the citation claimed, but instead was holding a hash brown in his hand when he was busted. He decided to challenge the ticket, which has more than tripled the cost so far over the initial ticket, but the man wants his records cleared. He’s got phone records proving that he wasn’t in a call, he owns a car with Bluetooth compatibility that would allow him to operate the phone completely hands-free, and he’s got a receipt from McDonalds for his morning munchies. The judge presiding over the case is expected to make a ruling before April.

Bonus: Rest in peace, Ford Taurus and Chevrolet Cruze. We might miss you.