Another week down, another roll of antacids needed for this round of Scrapple. There’s plenty of reasons to drown all of this with some strong liquor in here, folks!

1. Mercedes will not build a “fat cowboy truck.”

We’ve known for a little bit that Mercedes has been working with Renault-Nissan to prepare a Mercedes pickup truck for world markets and potentially the U.S. market as well. Nothing wrong with a rebadged Navara (read: Frontier), but seems a little low for Mercedes. Then we get this quote from Volker Mornhinweg, a former AMG boss who somehow wound up in the van and truck division of Mercedes, dropped this gem of a quote to CAR Magazine: “We’re not going to develop a fat cowboy truck for North America.”

Oh, that’s precious, coming from a company that’s rebadging a Nissan pickup. Nothing against the Frontier, it’s a good small truck. But Mercedes is more than capable of doing trucks on it’s own (see also: G-class, Unimog, Sprinter), yet they’ve chosen to farm out their idea for a pickup truck to another manufacturer? Since when did Mercedes go from being a world-class manufacturer to being a parasite company? My guess would be somewhere around 1998, but that’s just me personally. Either way, Mornhinweg comes across as an elitist ass about the whole thing, especially when he admits that he wants to sell the truck in North America. Let’s see how far that goes, arschloch.

2. Final Mitsubishi EVO is Japan-only.

It’s a good thing that the Ford Focus RS will be in production shortly, because if it wasn’t the Subaru Impreza WRX STi wouldn’t have any friends left. Mitsubishi, the Japanese car company that now has the phrase “used to” associated with it (“used to” build exciting cars, “used to” build decent trucks and SUVs…) is sending the EVO X off with a run of Final Edition cars…only in Japan. And there really isn’t anything special about it: it’s a GS-R model with the entire options list added. 296 horsepower isn’t a change, and nothing is new. Of course, if you want a sporty Mitsubishi, you could be patient and wait for the re-hashed form of the 2008 RA concept to morph into a new Eclipse. Just don’t hold your breath…and don’t look, either. It’s not pretty.

3. Brabus attacks Range Rover with hacksaw, news at eleven…

Let’s be blunt here: 526 horsepower be damned, this is the worst thing to happen to a Land Rover product since a snapped winch cable during a Camel Trophy event. The “bed” of the truck looks like somebody molded body panels around a medium-grade plastic storage box from Wal-Mart. Why Brabus felt the need to hack the back end off of the luxury SUV is beyond us, but it simply proves that there are such things as redneck Germans.

4. Robert de Niro to play Enzo Ferrari in upcoming biopic

Consider this a palate cleanser after that hacked-up Range Rover. Robert de Niro is currently lined up to play Il Commendatore himself, Enzo Anselmo Ferrari in a biopic that should be due out in 2016. de Niro has said that the project “has absolute priority over all my other projects.” With a film background that’s heavy in aggressive and stoic Italian roles, playing Enzo should be a natural fit for de Niro.

5. Pit Crew Bowling is actually a thing now…

This is Francesco Dracone coming in to pit, and that is Todd Phillips, chief mechanic and front-tire changer, standing in the worst possible spot. Good news, Phillips only had a cut that needed a couple of stitches. Bad news? He’s now immortalized in video: