This week’s cruel display of automotive styling takes today’s gaudy trend of stick-on portholes (or “pahtholes” if you ask Lohnes) and turns it up to 11. But what could be sweeter than quad pipes out the fenders of your Eldo?

I blame Brooks Stevens. That guy designed such genius items as the ’30s Allis-Chalmers tractors, the Miller beer logo, and the Oscar Meyer Wienerwagon, but jumped the shark when he designed the Excalibur on a Henry J chassis. The design eventually became a Studebaker prototype, and when that company went the way of the dodo, the Excalibur became the first mass-market kit-car. The ’64 Stude protoype looked like this:

As you can see, it featured the offending pipes. Actually, the design was loosley based on the ’28-’29 Mercedes-Benz roadster, a car that also inspired the ghastly Gazelle kit cars, so perhaps the M-B designers are to blame. Here’s the Benz:

And here’s a Gazelle:

As you can see, tastelessness begets tastelessness. But we’ve yet to see the worst, folks. Here’s the Eldo in all its quad-piped greatness, taking the look to new levels while also adding the Violations of: 1) Auto accessories made of PVC elbows, 2) Blue anodizing, 3) Muffler-shop bends,  4) Side-pipes on anything other than a Vett, and 5) Installing accessories with Tex screws.

Enjoy.