Ok, it’s time for a bit of honest reflection: how much garbage can a manufacturer shove into a brand-new car before the buying public finally revolts? What will it take for the masses to go, “You know what? I’m good. I just want to get from Point A to Point B with some speed, some fuel economy, and some decent comfort.” You know…the kind of purchasing kickback that saw cars like the Ford Falcon, Plymouth Valiant and the Chevy II become popular daily drivers? Yeah…that one. I’m not saying that a completely gutted new car is the answer. Drive a Mitsubishi Mirage sometime if you want to get an idea of just how awful that idea can be. But let’s take a quick look at what the market looks like just to point out flaws.

• Full-luxury heavy-duty pickup trucks that sticker for over $100,000 that will never see any work whatsoever.
• Auto parking, trailer backing, parallel parking, car fetching, and semi-autonomous driving
• Heated, cooled, and massaging seats
• Systems that can tell when you are getting drowsy
• The world’s biggest iPad replacing the stereo controls
• Cruise control and automatic braking systems that have to be the responsible ones operating the vehicle, since a lot of drivers can’t or won’t do their damn job

And that’s just a smattering off of the top of my head. Now, I’ve already blown my top over the systems that the NHTSA is pushing that are designed to remind the driver that there might still be a kid in the backseat, because apparently forgetting Junior is actually a massive problem. Today’s anger got drummed up over this little bit of news: Nissan has developed a kind of cloth sensor that can determine, via your sweat, whether or not you are dehydrated.

What. The. Absolute….(family friendly site, McTag…don’t say it…)

Here’s the driver for this being an actual thing: According to Nissan themselves, a study by the European Hydration Institute and Loughborough University found that dehydrated drivers are on par with someone with a .08 blood-alcohol content reading, the mark for drunkeness in both the U.K. and most of the U.S. And yes, being properly hydrated is a real issue that many people tend to not think about. But c’mon…how much does your car need to tell you? Why is this a thing? Is it just me, or does this seem like an absolute waste of time and engineering money that Nissan could’ve used to do something better with…like maybe update the Frontier pickup, or to tweak the 370Z’s exhaust note to something that doesn’t sound like a French horn getting the business from a Dyson vacuum cleaner?

Drink water, use your brain, and if someone tells you that you need your car to be your savior, walk away without saying a word. This is getting ridiculous on levels that used to be punchline material just a few years ago. I’m waiting for the sensor that pops up a little toilet on your display: “You haven’t stopped at a rest area in four hours…maybe you need to go?”