Yesterday, while most of America slept and prepared themselves for another day of work as productive members of society, Craig Fitzgerald had been up for hours scheming and plotting to take a blatant cheap shot right across the steely jaw of BangShift. He came right at me with THIS BLOG ITEM at BestRide.com that used 17th century language to defame my taste in cars and trucks, hurt my feelings, and cause strife between us. Remember when Craig posted cool stuff here? He was blinded by the fame and fortune of steering his own blog and he left us like a teen girl heading to an ISIS camp.
Two things. The first was a gross miscalculation on his part regarding how offended I’d be by his story. Because I am semi-literate, many of the words did not register so I ignored them. Secondly and perhaps most importantly, I have been keeping a secret file on Criag in the event he tried to start something like this. Because we have experienced blog wars in the past, I was ready for his surprise attack and I plan on countering it below. Safe to say, relations between BangShift and BestRide.com have dug to a new subterranean low and I have posted guards outside of BangShift eastern world HQ to prevent any “fence jumpers” or other such badness. Craig would wall off his compound but it is nearly impossible to build a wall light enough to be hauled around in the windowless Japanese van he calls home.
CRAIG LIVES HERE –
IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN CRAIG’S BRAZEN ATTACK ON ALL THAT IS RIGHT AND GOOD WITH THE WORLD, READ IT HERE BEFORE CONTINUING
Now let’s get onto it, shall we?
The man insulted my Caprice, my Goliath truck (which I don’t even own anymore), and my tow truck Brutus. He did this without any consideration of his own automotive tastes and proclivities, which make mine look more normal than white bread. This guy is fighting some serious inner demons and I am here to expose them. For starters:
His station wagon –
In this photo we see Craig having his car taken for an oil change. Yep, he even got roped into a blinker fluid change and muffler bearing grease job. When asked why he didn’t drive the car to the shop, he mentioned not wanting to “icky up” his new Italian shoes.
These bicycles? Yeah, they belong to some of Craig’s victims. We will compliment the stunning condition of the wood grain on the wagon, though. Props where they are deserved.
Tit for tat, Fitzgerald. You showed my car under a load of snow, how do you like it?!
His last project car –
This car was purchased by Craig in perfect condition from an old man. Craig promised to “spruce it up” and using his vast array of mechanical talents, this was the end result. The elderly previous owner swore out loud for the first time in his life and died on the spot when he saw the car three months after Craig bought it.
Because he dislikes the environment, Craig discarded the Porsche in a pond. Three ducks, a seagull, and a small mouth bass have met untimely ends because of this. Craig claimed it would make a “coral reef” for the wildlife, not knowing such things do not exist in fresh water. Or maybe he did.
THE BOMBSHELL –
Criag Fitzgerald is a Vespa scooter enthusiast. Yes, that does mean he is on a government list already but it bears knowing. Craig = Vespa = government list. Which one is his? Hint time! The yellow one. The yellow one is really his. It is like he wanted to own a Checker cab but ran out of money and self respect.
See how nice that rear seat looks? Yeah no one has ever sat on it…willingly.
They must not have been worried about anyone stealing these things and honestly, why should they have been? This photo was taken in Maine or so Craig claims although there are some lakes like this in Key West.
OK, I’ll stop there for now but I have a feeling that this will be a long and protracted fight. That’s ok BS Eastern World HQ has supplies and ammo stocked for the long haul. The BestRide Information minister is predicting victory, but this guy has a habit of doing that (incorrectly) already. Your turn, Fitzgerald!
FUCK OFF CRAIG …..
YOU VESPA RIDEING PIECE OF CRAP !!!!
DON’T FUCK WITH
BANGSHIFT *****
Well that just got serious.
Yikes! Easy Mopar,…trying to have some fun here.
Shut up, dummy.
Well, I’d be worried that you’d find my house and leave a flaming bag of dog shit on my front steps, but I’m pretty sure your Volare won’t start.
Both of those blog items are priceless! But out of loyalty, I will only comment here.
Suck it Craig … Lol
I’ll bury you, Bumfister
Bumfister, LMAO!!
Brian, Mopar Nutz !!!’s comments illustrate that you are in a position of responsibility, not unlike a professional athlete. Please consider that to most BangShift’ers, an enemy of BS is an enemy of our Gearhead Freedom. To some, this freedom is a cherished gift, defended as a Momma bear would defend a bag of discarded Chick-Fil-A or a half-eaten Snickers.
What’s next, the revelation that Fitz secretly engineered that exhaust-mounted turbo-whistler thingamajig? Perhaps I’ve said too much already……gotta love a good flame war…..
BS Brian 1….Craig 0…….It’s okay Craig you will never bruise your vagina on a Vespa. LOL
This could be an epic slap fight. Can’t wait for the next volley…
I don’t know, I think Craig may still have an edge. I worry Brian is tempted by the offer to drive Craig’s metal shed.
Note that he never made fun of my ’68 Riviera.
He’s intimidated by the sexual aura emitted by a full-sized Buick.
Excellent way to cross promote each other’s sites , drum up fake drama suck the readers in for the win. I will put this excellent marketing idea in my hat !
What the hell is bestride.com?
Note to self – no more delorean pics
Looks like there is only one way to settle this. A woodie wagon vs. Buford drag race showdown. Winner gets bragging rights, loser gets the Vespa…
I like that.
Lohnes should spot me 300 pounds, though.
Which he can make up by putting his big giant head in the car.
AHAAAAHAHA ZING!!!
This was funny until I started reading it with a New England accent in my head. Then it was hilarious. When do we see return fire Craig?
I’m planning my revenge.
It’s a dish best served cold.
With a side of potato salad.
Maybe some greens.
MMMMM potato salad….
Now I want BBQ
DAMN YOU FITZGERALD!!!!!!
DAMN YOU!!!!
Bestride : His Moma….
Hmmm, I like Vespas, drive a 76 Blazer but love 67-72 Chevy/GMCs and light trucks, and hate G bodies. Crap I’m caught between your two weird worlds!
You hate GM G-bodies? The door’s that way.
No one should ever be faulted for loving b bodies. Or super huge trucks. Where are Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton when we need to stop this hate?
His …VAGINA…
WON’T EVER GET BRUISED…..
PROBABLY ALREADY ATE THE SEAT
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
guns loaded, ammo packed – ready to back you up chief.
It’s about damn time someone got under your skin Lohnes! This is the best thing to happen here since the Great Muppet Takeover!
Was scanning my FB feed on the train home and stumbled on this flame fest. Best entertainment since the “top 7 reasons why you might be like Britney Spears” post from this morning’s ride.
LOL! I’m way behind on this whole deal, and when I saw the first post about the wagon picture and read the blogs, I started getting iorate! Then I saw the comments about the white wrecker. Having a deep seated desire for an old wrecker myself, I immediately thought Craig just needed to die a slow death in an ant hill in the desert. Then I saw the rest of this mess, and laughed at myself. LOL!!! Just reminds me why I like this site. Gearheads and their stories…. LOL!! Carry on fellas….
You… S U C K …..
FITZGERALD !!!!
Wait!!….what?
A Vespa??? Loser!!!
You know, between school, working extra long weeks and stress, I haven’t slept since Tuesday, and this “blog war” just made my week.
Thanks to Brian and Craig for the laughs!
Don’t clowns ride Vespas? If you see both together, run like hell.
Got to be a horror movie in there somewhere.
i like what he did to that volkswagen Porsche thing, patina at its best, nice one Craig.
I had a Vespa once,…damn thing backfired all the way to the bottom of the cliff
I Had a Cliff once,…it was clogged up with Vespa’s
Sounds like someone couldn’t handle the pressure and went off their meds. Ripping a Caprice when you have a Buick wagon?! What an idiot. I shudder to think of how many children he may have lured into that van. Bestrides must be filled with gay scooters, and his tips on needle point and giving fellatio. Flame on ankle grabber.
You’re all a bunch of Massholes.
I feel right at home.
Still trying to figure out what I just read?
Must be lack of sleep or something…
Most riders of Vespas ride sidesaddle as they don’t like the wind blowing up their vaginas.
What amateurs, not a single Pacer or Gremlin reference, back to TMZ I guess.