By now, you’ve probably heard of “The Malaise Era” of automotive history. If not, here’s a quick refresher. Between the Muscle Car Era of the 1960’s and early 1970’s and today’s Modern EFI Era, which really started in the mid-1980’s but really took off in the 1990’s with the implementation of OBDII-compatible computers, auto manufacturers churned out some really questionable cars. With insurance rates skyrocketing, emissions standards being implemented, and the focus on energy efficiency thanks to our friends at OPEC cutting production, auto manufacturers were caught with their pants down. The result was that there were lots of big, heavy, inefficient and underpowered cars out there, and while the engineers were figuring out how to make them better, the interior design departments covered everything in crushed velour that would have been just as much at home on a chaise lounger in a turn-of-the-century Parisian brothel as it was on a 60/40 split bench seat. Somewhere around 1977-78, the automakers figured out that if they made the cars a little smaller, then those smog-era engines would be less taxed. Some cars lost a foot or more of length in this time of downsizing. The expensive luxury brands, like Cadillac, dabbled with new features like cylinder deactivation, electronic fuel injection, and even offering diesel powered options to try and entice buyers to come to their showrooms with the far fetched chance of reliability through misunderstood technology. This turned out to be an expensive exercise of throwing crap against a wall to see what stuck until the engineers and bean counters could actually come to an agreement on something that worked and was cost effective at the same time. Sometimes, the aftermarket would kick in and offer custom “coach-built” cars that would take these Brougham bombers to the next level. While some conversions were subtle, some were pretty ridiculous.

And that brings us to this ad from Craigslist that I saw pop up today:

Cadillac Barn Find 1982 1983 1984 Parts or Restore

Have three to choose from:

1982 Seville Custom Formal Sedan by Grandeur Motor Car Corp. (Yellow) Not known if running; will turn over, wants to start with starting fluid. Complete car, one of 25 Formal Sedan Sevilles produced by Grandeur Motor Car Corp. of Pompano Beach, FL.

1983 Eldorado Biarritz Coupe (Blue) Not running radiator in trunk, gorgeous complete red leather interior, all Biarritz chrome and stainless intact, stainless steel roof. Four 1982 wire wheel covers, some rust through, body damage, Parts or restoration. Not running.

1984 Eldorado Coupe (Tan) Runs and drives in all forward gears -no reverse- Original paint has beautiful brown leather interior like new. 88980 miles, has surface rust paint damage, needs bumper fillers, clean MI title.

Would like to sell all three or any combination. Serious buyers Call/Text for detailed info/photos, Must buy entire vehicle(s) Will assist your shipper with loading once payment is verified.

Now, you are probably thinking, “Why would I be remotely interested in these turds?”, right?

My answer: The 24 Hours of Lemons!!!

They LOVE stuff like this over there, and the weirder, the better. These three cars were built right after the Great Downsizing of 1977-78 and were built at the height of that early 1980’s “experimentation phase” I mentioned before. Let’s have a quick look at these lovely vehicles!

Now this is a ride for the pimp with a family! What you are looking at is a 1982 Cadillac Seville Custom Formal Sedan, customized by the Grandeur Motor Car Corporation of Pompano Beach, Florida. This is without a doubt the crown jewel of this ragtag fleet of 80’s luxury cars. While I’ve seen conversions of earlier 1975-79 Sevilles by this company, I have not seen one done to a 1980-85 Seville, which is a car that’s already absurdly styled from the factory with that weird “bustle-back” trunk. Yes, the hood has been extended, and yes, there are two ridiculous continental kits affixed to the front fenders. The best part: this thing is already pre-themed for Lemons! Install a cage, bolt on race rubber, and go!

I wonder if someone has a database somewhere of all of the cars the Grandeur Motor Car Company churned out over the years. Probably not.

Wires hanging all over the place when you open the door of a 1980’s luxury car is never a good sign. Hopefully this can be taken into consideration when striking a price with the current owner that is Lemons budget friendly. Oh, and whatever racing buckets you put in the thing definitely need to be upholstered in sumptuous tufted white leather. That’s non-negotiable.

This is one of the two Eldorados offered in the ad, and it’s in decent shape, but has enough flaws to make it acceptable to devolve it into the world of crapcan racing. According to the ad, it’s a 1984 model in need of a transmission. This could be challenging, since it likely has the HT-4100 4.1L V8, and I haven’t seen one of those in a long time around here in the local boneyards. Either find a junkyard donor, or do something wacky, like installing an earlier Eldorado 500 ci V8 with it’s beefy transaxle up front! If you are truly insane, add a 500 up front AND one out back!

If there’s a market for these, you could make up a decent chunk of budget in selling off bits of the brown Eldorado’s minty interior! Either that, or pull the power split bench out and make it a garage couch, or if you are truly nuts (and many Lemons guys fit this description), get that seat on four wheels and motorize it for a pit vehicle!

The third and final car in this lot is this 1983 Eldorado Biarritz. The Biarritz package was a throwback to the old 1950’s Eldorados, and incorporated a stainless steel roof and other luxury options to the tune of over $3000 in 1983 money. Aside from getting a coach built Super Brougham, this was as luxurious as it gets back then for the Eldorado line. This one has been taken apart a bit and a non-runner according to the ad, so it’s best used for parts for the other two.

I don’t know why, but I love red interiors. Maybe it’s because every car has had a black interior standard for the past 10 years, but I miss that you can’t get interiors in colors like this anymore. This one is upholstered in the finest Parisian Brothel Red leather and imitation wood money could buy in 1983.

You’ve seen the cars, so let’s talk about the only obstacle in the way: the price. This ad doesn’t list a real price for the group of cars or individually. It could be made to work if the group of cars can be bought reasonably, and you could sell off enough parts to make the budget acceptable to Judge Phil and his crew. Maybe you could sell off one of the Eldorados to make up a big chunk in the budget. People are nostalgic for these now, right?

Out of the three cars, there’s no doubt in my mind that the yellow Seville would be great in Lemons competition, and perhaps rank highly in Lemons lore. If it were up to me, I’d make those fender continental kits functional and get some racing rubber mounted there! I’d also add about six more continental kits in various strategic places and call it The Broughaminator, but that’s just me. And the Lemons judges love weird engines that are terrible in everyday use, so if you are “lucky” and this thing got the V8-6-4 and you got it somewhat functioning enough to turn some laps, I’m pretty sure that the Index of Effluency Award would be yours for the taking!

I posted this ad over on the Lemons Racer Lounge group on Facebook, and it definitely raised a few eyebrows. To quote Lounge regular Tom King, “V8 automatic with FRONT WHEEL DRIVE! Built to race.” Lounge founder Jason Hopkins said “And the yellow one comes pre-themed! Great find!” I think everyone agrees that someone needs to step to the plate and throw the seller some offers.

If you are interested in building a Lemons car and you want to make a big splash, or you are an existing team looking for a ridiculous new ride, you have to consider this!