Car advertisements of late make me feel ill to my stomach, readers. I won’t even lie, I almost miss the “Real People” ads from GM. Between Ford’s conviction that you need every electronic nanny known to God to operate one of their vehicles, Nissan’s straight-up assertion that the car needs to be smarter than the operator, Cadillac’s seriously unfortunate swipe at nouveau riche millennial culture…An XT6 crossover for your ‘squad’? What committee approved that crap?…and everybody touting the coming of electric vehicles as the golden moment in which humanity saves itself from itself, automotive advertising is so far in the toilet I’m gonna need a freakin’ plunger to find anything even remotely worthwhile. I don’t care that you let the Expedition park itself with a trailer attached because you want to get out of your apartment but refuse to learn a useful skill. I’m glad your new Rogue stops before you back over little Timmy, because you were doing four other things besides operating your vehicle in a safe and responsible manner. My kingdom for better licensing requirements…but I digress. This isn’t about bad cars or idiotic tech, it’s about advertising.

Maserati’s been hard at work on a new sports car that is currently known as the MC20. Based upon Alfa Romeo 4C architecture, it’s expected to bow as a turbocharged V6 screamer barking out about 600 horsepower at the start. Okay, that’s neat enough. But it’s not the prototype that has us impressed…it’s how Maserati is hyping the car up. Teasing a camouflaged prototype is nothing new. A good spy shot for the press always does wonders. But Maserati released the photos, including one taken next to a sculpture that is located in Milan. A sculpture that needs no true explanation to it’s blunt message, one I’m certain you all know well. The piece is called “L.O.V.E.”, and it’s standing in front of the Borsa Italiana, the stock exchange of Italy. Per Maserati’s notes, it’s “a symbol of Italian audacity in international contemporary art.” Hm. Sounds like Maserati is trying to convey a message abroad. I kind of dig it…it’s nice to be a bit competitive, a bit rude. It keeps competition on their toes, challenges those who otherwise wouldn’t bother or might be too meek to try.

In a world that seems to be trying to bridge the gap between the 1990s SUV boom and the soulless travel pods of the movie “Demolition Man”, a bit of this stands out properly. Advertisements like this, Pontiac’s “Hungry” commercials for the 4th gen Firebird, or the Ford commercial that saw an F-250 dragging a Dodge and a GMC while crating a Chevrolet across the bed…or Chevrolet responding in kind by dragging the mountain as well. So let’s put you, the reader, in charge of the next vehicle advertisement. You can pick your poison…sell a truck, sell a crossover, sell a Tesla…hell, sell a Chevy Spark for what I care. But sell it. How would you set up the advertisement? How would you prove that it’s a vehicle someone needs without resorting to gadgets, overrated tech or deep discounts?