“Toyota patents in-car fragrance system that dispenses tear gas on car thieves.” That’s Autoblog‘s own headline for what might be a new feature in an upcoming Toyota product, and honestly, when I first read it, I started giggling like an idiot. I make no effort to hide the fact that I can be quite vengeful if the whim strikes me, and the idea of a would-be car thief getting a face-full of CS riot control gas via the car’s perfume dispenser has some kind of poetic justice to it. It probably doesn’t hurt that I am very, very familiar with the effects, both immediate and lingering, of CS gas in the first place, having gone through the gas chamber in the Army more than just once. Even a whiff of it on the wind will put pause in your step for a bit as your skin tingles and your eyes water. If somebody’s Corolla goes on the offensive because the car has figured out that the proper key isn’t being used in the ignition and something is wrong, the would-be thief will find themselves with eyes flushing out like Niagra Falls, a nose that is draining like a spillway during a flood and, more than likely, they are trying to puke. I’m sure it makes me very wrong to smile at that thought, and I don’t care one bit.

Which gets me to thinking…between James Bond’s Aston Martin with all of the cool toys, the “Interceptor” car in the Spy Hunter video game series, the special tricks in some of the more tricked-out Fast and Furious cars, and even the wild machine-gun and missile-equipped cars of Grand Theft Auto, what would I like to have on my ride most of all? Let’s see…an electrical interference device that would fry the circuitry of a tailgater would be cool…the good old ejecto-seat would be awesome and quite handy…or maybe I could get something like Inspector Gadget had in the cartoon, a hot rod that turned into a useful minivan with the touch of a button. Okay, that’s a touch too far, but still…you get the point. What would you choose?