The only reason that Brian Lohnes and I can still hold our heads up high is because while the performance rating for this rental car burnout might actually be a negative 10, the execution was done with the utmost skill. Okay, maybe utmost is a stretch, but since I wasn’t driving it I KNOW I can hold MY head high. Brian is on his own.
In his defense, the Dodge Dart that we (Read: Brian) rented is a steaming pile of FAIL. One Facebook comment actually asked if our 6 mph burnout (Yes, the speedo only read 6 mph) was because the cruise control was on, but this feature packed SXT model Dart comes with the rare, high performance, cruise control delete option. Watch out folks, 25 years from today you may be reading about this Dart selling at Barrett-Jackson for eleventy jillion dollars due to this rare option.
For those of you who follow our occasional rental car antics, you may remember that last year we shot video of us “authoritatively closing”, aka slamming, the trunk of our Crown Vic with amazing force. Using our stunt SXT Dart this year we made a practice slam and found that the trunk opened right back up almost as fast as it slammed shut. While this was funny, it didn’t entertain us the same as the one last year.
Dodge Dart SXT Grades:
Trunk Slam – F
Burnout – D- It tried, so we gave it some points for effort.
Features – B With Nankang tires up front, and WanGchungs out back, the performance handling predictions were very high. However, high speed E-Brake testing, along with the included pitiful burnout footage leads us to believe that installing the WanGchungs up front and Nankangs out back, may have offered better performance in both tests. We could be wrong, but out exhaustive rental car testing history says we are not.
Extras – A At 43,500 miles, you get bonus squeaks and rattles, and that’s before jumping, burnouts, or slamming.
Overall – Solid D. It’s a car. But it has no soul, it has no guts, it has no comfort, it has weirdo ratchety seat things, it’s trunk won’t stand for robust closures, car jackers won’t pay attention to it, and nothing short of a real Blown Hemi and monster meats out back could make this thing cool enough to get Bradley Cooper laid in it.
Enjoy the video, and let the mocking comments begin.
That thing sounds like a puppy that somebody stepped on. Cue the “sad trombone” music from The Price Is Right.
We’ll that could be the slowest wheel speed burnout ever record…
As far as rentalcar burnouts go that was the worst ever!!! Was that his first?
That thing blows goats. That was on the floor and it would only rev to about 2500rpm in first gear.
At least you gotta give the alternator an A. It did a better job than some power companies.
Maybe a stick jammed in the drive by wire throttle body would help it out?