Sampling all that life has to offer should be a goal of every man, woman and child, right? Works well for food, works well for music, travel and literature, so theoretically it should work for the automotive world. I’d like to say I’m worldly in that regard but…nope. I’m about as myopic as it gets. I like my unloved 1970s barges, random orphans and dream machines I know I’ll have to knock over a bank to afford, and in the list of vehicles that I’ve driven, it shows. And anyone who knows me understands that, for better or worse. Which is why Scott, the guy responsible for getting me behind the wheel of my first BMW (that M850i that I tested earlier this year) was keen on getting me into an über-Merc at his first opportunity. He knew which car it was going to be, but it was a matter of lining up a schedule. And not just mine…I insisted that my wife, Haley, was going to be present for the test of this Mercedes-AMG S63. Why? Because all I really care about and focus on is the engine and the way the car drives. The S63 is a large sedan, borderline personal limousine, and to truly enjoy this car, you need to spend time outside of the front seat. That’s where she came in…do you really think that I’m going to hand off the driving duties?

The Positives:

The positives…where to start? This thing looks like an armored escort for an overseas contractor, sounds like Germany’s answer to the Chevrolet LS6 454 when in sport mode, is as plush inside as a freaking Learjet, and has so much snob factor that even the normal blue-bloods that haunt Bowling Green took notice. Only the Mercedes-Maybach and the V12-powered AMG S65 ring higher on the chart, but by BangShift standards, this is the one you want anyways. That V12 might have the cylinder count and the big badge that says you’re swinging big, but 603 horsepower out of the 4.0L twin-turbocharged V8 does wonders, not to say anything about the 664 ft/lbs of torque. Naturally, one of the first things I had to do was to see just how provoked any executive sedan with the AMG badge could be. The answer: I was spitting out expletives like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman after he slammed his pinky toe against the dresser as the big German up and moved out, while Haley, pinned to her seat, could only get out, “Whoa…” The V12 goes away for 2019, and trust me, it’s not worth lamenting. The nine-speed automatic does it’s duty in either fully automatic or paddle-shift mode, with fully auto being seamless to nearly undetectable and manual mode responding like a scared underling who is fully aware that their job is on the line. Driving the big Merc around also tosses up a seriously impressive note: this thing does not feel as huge as it actually is. It’s a big car, make no mistake, but it’s only a slight bit heavier than the Angry Grandpa Chrysler. For the size of the car, the road manners are impeccable. The suspension tends to hover towards the softer side of good, the steering is crisp, and the nannies aren’t intrusive: the speed limit warning doesn’t even start flashing on the heads-up display until you’re a few miles an hour over, unlike the BMW’s, which panicked at (x + .001) MPH.

The other bright spot regarding the S63 is the interior space. Do you miss the heyday of the 1970s and full-size vehicles that allowed six-footers to stretch out comfortably in the rear seat? Welcome home, we’ve been expecting you. There is so much I could wax lyrical about regarding the interior. The driver’s seat has active bolstering, which not even a warning could have prevented me from being surprised by. Once the S63 realizes that you are turning, the bolster that is going to take your weight inflates and prepares to coddle you in. Turning left? Right side bolster inflates. It’s a neat feature, but until you actually get used to it, it throws you off. I’d like to break down all of the electronic gadgets that this car has…and it has three pages’ worth, that I can promise you…but I would need one of Mercedes’ “personal concierge” members to spend a full day showing me how all of it worked. I’m was happy figuring out how to work the HVAC, sound system and the seat cooling fan, which was all I was going to get a chance to check out on my short test drive. Maybe if I had a week or so with the car, I could offer more here.

How was it being chaffeured? Haley was instantly enamored with the window shades (I swear, at one point I thought I heard her say, “Goodbye, plebes” before shading the windows), but she found the ride in the back a little more bouncy that she’d personally prefer in Comfort mode. But overall, the perks for her obviously outweighed the faults as she watched the world roll by the windows, soaking up the almost ridiculously opulent setup in the back. The only thing that we didn’t do was bring along a DVD for her to watch on the rear seat entertainment screens. Had I known that was a thing, we could’ve tried that out.

The Negatives

I’ll be honest here…it is damn difficult to find fault with this car. I’m not swooning over it by any measure, but being honest, Mercedes has built one hell of a sedan. The engine is a stomper, the interior is really that good, and it eats up the miles on the Interstate like none other, with grace and the authority of a general on a mission. It’s damn good…and it had better be for it’s $172,545 asking price. By far and wide, meet the most expensive car that I’ve ever been behind the wheel of. We snapped the photos quickly, doing our best to get clear of a storm front that was packing good-sized hail and other fun we wanted no part of in this car, and on the way back to the dealership the price became a talking point. There’s lots to love about the S63…but who buys this car and why? And could another model, with this engine, suit the purpose better than the “bow, peasants” status of this car? Is that what makes the cost worth it? Wouldn’t the S-class coupe be more exclusive? Wouldn’t the droptop be a bigger middle finger to the lesser folk? Wouldn’t the E63 S be a better option overall?

At this price point, I simply do not have those answers. Sometimes, showing off how much money you truly have to waive around is the point. Sometimes, having the biggest hammer in the realm of the HOA is the point. The S63 isn’t what you want to tool around in town in. It’s not shouty but it’s nowhere near subtle. It’s a road-going answer to the private plane, exorbitantly comfortable and powerful, beautiful to look at, and yours if…and only if…you can cover the cost of entrance.

Big thanks to Scott Renshaw and Luxury Imports of Bowling Green for the opportunity to test out their Mercedes-AMG S63.