I’ve recently discovered a new pet peeve: the difference in automotive scale versus age. For example: conversing with someone ten years my junior, upon seeing a picture of my Imperial, I don’t get the usual “What kind of car is that?” or “I haven’t seen one of those in years” or even “Dude, nice Lincoln!” Instead I get a moment of silence as they process the image, then: “Dude, that thing’s a freaking boat.” What.

The Imperial isn’t a small car, true. It’s actually much heaver than it’s size belies…a J-body Chrysler is only slightly longer than a 1980s GM G-body but the Imperial weighs just about as much as my Chrysler 300 does. But boat?! Nah, bro…if you want boat we need to haul you back another ten years to when the true monsters roamed the earth. Get an eyeful of slab-sided Lincolns, of Galaxies far and wide, of Imperials with interiors so opulent you’d swear that a sultan’s harem was supposed to be hiding inside, lounging about with sultry gazes meant for you. Compared, my Imperial is merely a two-door rear-driver.

To a lot of younger folk, a Crown Victoria is a monster. Imagine trying to tell them that in 1979, that was a downgraded full-sizer that was about as big as a mid-size coupe a year or two prior. The era of the true barges is long gone, but plenty still roam the lands, safe from the derby folk. Cars like this 1969 Pontiac Executive, the low model of full-sized Poncho that year, cars with big cubic inches, big torque figures, and enough room for your entourage to roll down the road in comfort…plus a few people hiding in the trunk for whatever reason you’ve got. Big is all about your point of view. Redefine someone else’s as you roll along in this jolly green giant.

Facebook Marketplace link: 1969 Pontiac Executive